Down the Well
by sentinel28
Summary: New chapter. While Kagome learns that Sango isn't like her other friends, Miroku manages to ditch Inuyasha to explore Tokyo on his own. Where does that leave Inuyasha? In a rather sudsy situation...and who's that miko wandering around? Could it be...?
1. Oops

**_DOWN THE WELL_**

**_An Inu-Yasha Short Story_**

**_By Sentinel 28A_**

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Wow, been awhile since I was in the _Inu-Yasha _section here on FFN._

_ Things have been entirely too serious lately. With the Snowbirds fighting for their lives in _The Race of the Snowbirds_ and _Evangelion Evolution_ stalled, it's time to go back to the Bone Eater's Well and have some fun. And inspired by the ending of the _Inu-Yasha_ manga (which was pretty good—Rumiko Takahashi impressed me with that one) and catching up on the old _Love Hina_ and _ Oh My Goddess! _manga, I've decided to fool around a little bit. Why _Love Hina _and_ Oh My Goddess?_ You'll find out…_

_ Also, thanks to the "That Time Again?" club on Deviant Art for inspiring this fanfic too. I had originally come up with this idea for their May contest, but as usual, a "short" story turns into a novella._

* * *

SCROLL ONE: OOPS (OR, WHAT A WAY TO START A FIC)

_"WHAT?!"_

Kagome Higurashi closed her eyes and withstood the verbal gale. The source of that gale stood in front of her, hands balled into fists. "Inuyasha…" Kagome began patiently.

"You had one of these 'tests' last week!" Inuyasha railed. "Every time the weather turns good and it's time to find the Shikon shards, you all of a sudden have to go take a 'test.' Well, this time you're not gonna!"

_That does it,_ Kagome thought. "Inuyasha…" This time it was said in a certain icy tone that Inuyasha knew only too well. He took a step back and tensed up, knowing he was seconds from analyzing the soil density and water table in Kaede's village.

Kagome sighed. "…never mind." While the thought of seeing if Inuyasha could dig to China was tempting, she decided that she'd made her point. He couldn't stop her if she so desired, and the hanyou knew it. "I'm going home, Inuyasha. End of argument." She turned her back on him and stalked off to Kaede's hut.

"Damn women." Inuyasha blew out his breath, glad he wasn't about to get sat. _Why,_ he thought morosely, _do I always end up with women who can make my life a misery? At least Kikyo only shot me once._ Then, knowing his pride was going to take another hit, he raised his voice. "I'm going with you, Kagome!" He winced even as he said it. _Kami, I'm like her dog. I might as well chase sticks and beg for puppy treats._

"Fine!" she called back.

"Fine!" he yelled, determined to have the last word. Kagome ignored him.

"By the Buddha, you're whipped." Shippo sauntered up to Inuyasha, with the full intention of pouring gasoline on the fire. However, the little kitsune had a tendency to forget that Inuyasha had three feet and several dozen pounds on him, and tact was not in Shippo's vocabulary. He soon realized his mistake when Inuyasha turned and delivered a savage kick to the kitsune that sent him screaming through the air. Inuyasha threw both hands in the air when Shippo cleared the _torii_ shrine gate; he had seen some guy in black-and-white stripes do the same thing on Kagome's picture box thingy back in her world. He quickly looked around to see if Kagome had seen him, but she was in Kaede's hut, so he'd gotten away with reminding Shippo just who the alpha male was around here.

Miroku shaded his eyes against the sun as he came up next to Inuyasha. "You cleared the torii this time. Good job."

"Thanks." Inuyasha was oafishly proud of himself.

"Going back to her time?" Miroku thumbed towards Kagome's general location.

"Yes," Inuyasha said, souring. "Another one of those test things."

"And you're going with her."

"Yeah." He gave Miroku a dangerous look, seeing that the monk was about to say something. "And if you say I'm whipped, I'll tell Sango that you were sniffing her yukata the other day while she was bathing."

Miroku looked horrified. "I did no such thing!"

"She doesn't know that."

It was times like this that Miroku was seriously tempted to let the hanyou have it with one of his magical ofuda wards. Or at least his staff. Centering himself and asking for Buddha's peace, he let the threat pass. "That was uncalled for, Inuyasha. You go because you care about her." Inuyasha made a noise and looked away, but he was blushing. "And I'll stay and take care of Sango."

"Like hell." Sango's voice made both men jump. "You can't even take care of yourself, houshi-sama." She walked past Miroku, spared him a withering glance, and continued on to Kaede's hut. Miroku had rubbed her bottom earlier, as was his custom, and Sango had slapped him—only to find that he was back at it five minutes later. She wondered if he was becoming immune to her slaps, and had decided that next time she would try to break his jaw.

"Kagome-chan, are you going back home?" Sango asked as she stuck her head into Kaede's hut.

"Yes!" Kagome snapped, then got control of herself. "Sorry, Sango-chan…I'm just on edge today."

"Your…test?" Sango knew the word: taijiya demon hunters had to take tests as well, though she was sure that, in Kagome's world, her tests were more mundane. Though Kagome had often told their little band some of the strange things that were common in her world, Sango had not understood them and did not attempt to try. They were simply beyond her comphrension.

Kagome nodded. "Yes. It's going to be a tough one." She shouldered her battered backpack and stood.

Sango gave her friend a hug. "Well, good luck." She hesitated. "Kagome…would you mind bringing back…some of your shampoo?" She stumbled over the unfamiliar word.

Kagome smiled. "Sure. I'll bring back a toy for Kirara too."

"She'd like that."

Kagome walked out of the hut. "Hey, Inuyasha! You coming or not?"

"Yeah, yeah." He shuffled along behind her in a completely transparent act of reluctance. Miroku and Sango shared a smile at that.

* * *

By the time they reached the Bone Eater's Well, Kagome's anger at Inuyasha had faded. It was a beautiful summer day, and a recent rainstorm had broken the strength-sapping heat, if not the humidity. She wondered how Inuyasha could handle it, stuck in his thick fire-rat fur robe. She turned to him as she sat on the lip of the well. "Inuyasha, do you think you could carry me?" Kagome said it casually, even though her heart began to pound. There was no reason for him to carry her; she just enjoyed being close to him.

"Huh? Oh. Um, sure." In fact, Inuyasha had been working up the courage to ask her. It always mystified him how he would wade into battle against a thousand demons without batting an eye, but expressing his feelings to Kagome—or even Kikyo for that matter—made him _wish_ he was fighting a thousand demons. He was tempted to say something off the cuff like "if you insist," but a Miroku-like voice told him not to screw up the mood. So he merely scooped her up in his arms, his hands accidentally sliding up her thighs under the short skirt for a moment. He looked at Kagome, half-expecting to be sat instantly, but she gave a lovely shudder, noticed him looking at her, and blushed.

Before he made a fool of himself any further, Inuyasha jumped—only to land with a bone-jarring thud at the dirt bottom of the well. "Ow!" both he and Kagome exclaimed, but before they could do anything else, suddenly the familiar feeling of falling through time enveloped them. Almost as soon as they realized that, they were on the other side—in Kagome's time. Inuyasha's sensitive nose instantly knew that, as the alien smells of her city hit his nostrils. "That was weird," she said, getting down out of his arms. "It was almost like the well didn't want to let us through."

"Yeah," Inuyasha agreed. It _was_ strange. The only time the well ever closed off was when it was blocked from the other side—and there was nothing in Kagome's time to cause that. "Sure hope it lets us back in. I don't want to be stuck here."

Kagome once more almost snapped at him, asking him why being stuck with her, in her time, was so odious. Then she caught herself, knowing that Tokyo could frighten even the normally steel-nerved Inuyasha, with all the fantastic and scary devices, noises, and smells the city had to offer. She didn't know if she could ever stay permanently in the Sengoku Jidai, so it was unfair of her to expect Inuyasha to stay in her world. That was a problem they would have to solve someday…but not today. Kagome led the way up the ladder, with Inuyasha carefully looking straight ahead. He didn't _think_ Kagome would notice if he looked up, and therefore up her dress, but after all, he wasn't Miroku.

Something else wafted across his nostrils as they reached the top of the ladder: rice and miso soup. His stomach rumbled, and he grinned. _Well, at least Kagome's mom is a good feeder._

* * *

The next day, Miroku walked into the clearing that surrounded the Bone Eater's Well. "Sango? What are you doing out here?" It was a fair distance from the village, and Kirara wasn't with Sango, but playing with the village children along with Shippo. Miroku wondered if Sango was still upset at him about yesterday. He had resolved to control himself better, and even taken a purifying bath in a freezing waterfall a few miles north of the village.

"It's not because of you, houshi-sama." Sango leaned against the well and polished her hiraikotsu boomerang. It was a daily ritual when she had time: keeping it clean kept it aerodynamic, increasing its range. She had already sharpened its leading edge. The boomerang killed more by sheer impact, but it also cut. "It's cooler out here in the forest, and frankly the village was just getting too smelly." Miroku couldn't argue with that: the villagers were mostly rice farmers, and it was time to fertilize the fields. Since Japan lacked cattle, human fertilizer had to be used out of necessity. The stench was enough to knock one down.

"Do you mind if I sit down?"

"As long as you keep your hands in sight, no."

Miroku sat across from her, lying in the grass. He wanted to strike up a conversation with Sango, but wasn't sure what to talk about. She wasn't the world's greatest conversationalist in any case. The only things he could think about talking about was the hunt for Naraku and the shards—but they always talked about that, and it would bring painful memories of her brother Kohaku, enslaved to the archdemon. They could talk about their future, but neither knew if they _had_ a future, and though Sango had promised to marry him if they defeated Naraku and survived, that seemed kind of awkward at the moment. Miroku laughed at himself silently: his relationships to this point had not needed much in the way of talking, and now that he was more or less in a relationship that did, he didn't know what to say.

To his surprise, Sango spoke. "Do you ever wonder, houshi-sama, if Kagome's stories are true?"

That seemed safe enough to talk about. "I think they're true, Sango. Kagome doesn't have any guile in her. I don't think she knows how to lie."

"They're so fantastic. Flying machines? Rockets that go to the stars? Horseless carriages? _No war?_" Sango laughed. In her seventeen years of life, she had never known a time when there wasn't war somewhere in Japan, and even Kaede, well over fifty, had never known peace. "It just seems so incredible." She got up, looked over the side of the well, and sighed. "I know it's impossible, but just once I would like to see Kagome's world."

Miroku had got up as well, but stopped. Sango was wearing her yukata and kimono, but had hiked it up around her knees and shuffled off her sandals to cool off. The sight of her calves and dainty feet had sent his thoughts heading bedward again; Miroku didn't have a foot fetish, but just regarded every part of Sango's body desirable. As she leaned over further, his eyes focused on the part he found _eminently_ desirable. Before he knew it, his hands were reaching forward. _No!_ he shouted at himself. _Stop! You can't do this!_ But Miroku's hands were twitching, actually aching to seize or at least touch those wonderful, supple buttocks, feel the muscles beneath clench so enticingly when she realized where his hands were, for Sango to give that adorably cute squeak or gasp she always gave…

Sango, however, in the months she had known Miroku, had slowly developed a sixth sense about those hands. She felt Miroku's eyes boring into her rear; she could sense the hands coming towards her; she thought she could even smell the testosterone. She gritted her teeth and balled her fists: this time the bastard of a so-called monk was going to rue the day he'd ever set sight on her butt.

And so, both made a terrible, fateful mistake. Sango whipped around with demon-like speed in a murderous roundhouse that would probably knock Miroku's teeth out, but she guessed wrong where his head would be. Miroku was actually bent over, reaching with both hands, and so her punch hit empty air. She spun in place, overbalanced, screamed, and started to fall into the well.

Her scream broke the trance blind lust had put Miroku into, and he saw what was happening. "Sango!" He reached forward and grabbed her kimono—unfortunately, seizing a double handful of cloth that fell open, exposing her wrapped breasts, which left little to the imagination. Sango turned beet red and twisted around to punch him again, shouting, "You son of a bitch!" Her squirming only exacerbated the situation: instead of Miroku having the purchase to pull her back from the brink, Sango only ensured both of them were going into the well. Her curses turned into another scream as they fell into the abyss.

Both of them expected a very painful sudden stop at the bottom of the well, but instead, time itself seemed to stop. The world around them turned purplish, and stars floated around them, close enough to touch. It was not at all frightening, but actually rather peaceful. Slowly, they seemed to accelerate, but before either could truly realize it, they felt solid dirt beneath their bodies again.

Neither Sango nor Miroku said anything for a long moment, until Sango realized that Miroku had ended up with his face buried in her chest. She let him have it, which sent him caroming into the side of the well. He rubbed his face, wondering if she'd cracked his cheekbone. "That was uncalled for, Sango."

"Bad enough you grab my butt, but you had to knock us into the well!" Sango got up and dusted off her yukata. "I can't believe it! I literally can't turn my back to you for a second!"

"I couldn't help myself." He held up a hand to ward off another punch. "Please, Sango, let's just get out of this well and find out where we are."

"Where the hell else would we be?"

He pointed. Sango's hands went to her mouth in shock. In her time, the well was overgrown with moss and vines. This well, however, lacked any sort of plant life, and even had steps set into it. Above them was darkness, but it was light enough to tell that it wasn't night, but rather a roof over their heads. Miroku took the initiative and went up first, Sango following more slowly—she was barefoot and didn't want to risk getting a splinter.

Once they were out of the well itself, it was obvious that they were no longer in the Sengoku Jidai. The wood around them was well-hewn and aged. Miroku reached out and slowly opened the doors. Outside was as sunny and warm as it had been before, but instead of the familiar buzz of cicadas and sounds of a forest, instead there were strange, almost metallic sounds. The cicadas were still there, but their comforting noise was drowned out by the howls of strange animals. Hesitantly, he took a step outside, Sango following just as slowly, actually gripping the monk's shoulder in apphrension.

They stood stock still in shock. Both had somehow expected to see the thick forest that surrounded the well, but there was only the thick trunk of the Goshimboku, the holy tree that Inuyasha had once been pinned to, and a thin line of trees. Nothing else was familiar, nothing at all. Before them stretched row upon row of houses, disappearing into the distance. Something like mountains rose in the far distance, but they were too symmetrical for that; both realized that they had to be man-made. A haze spread across the city, and the air smelled strange: not at all that of a forest, but something that made them cough.

Without warning, a distant hum swelled to a roar. Sango and Miroku reacted instinctively, Miroku seizing the prayer beads on his cursed right hand and bringing them up, while Sango rolled behind a large rock, the nearest available cover. Her hands went for her hiraikotsu, then realized she had left it behind. She pulled a knife from a hidden sheath, the only weapon she had. Their eyes widened as they saw the monster bearing down on them: it was humpbacked like a whale, with a tall tail surmounting a large body. Wings that rivaled the largest dragon seemed to stretch to blot out the sky, while claws hung down from them and smaller claws from the body. Miroku had just pulled the beads taut, ready to unleash the _kazaana_, the wind tunnel in his hand, when he saw writing on the body. He couldn't make out the words, but then the sun caught it and he realized it was metal. He hesitated for a moment, and then the thing was past, flying off into the distance, no threat at all. Sango slowly stood and came to Miroku's side. "What was that?"

"I think…it was one of Kagome's flying machines." He shook his head in wonder.

"Then…we're in Kagome's world." Sango's voice was a whisper.

"You wished to see it."

"I take it back." She put the knife away. "Now what do we do? Go back down the well?"

Miroku smiled. "Actually, since we're here, why not look around a little?" His curiousity was peaked. Miroku had become a wandering monk not just because he needed to find an heir, but because he was interested in what lay over the next hill. Suddenly he had a whole world to explore. For a moment, he wondered if somehow his wind tunnel had disappeared, but just a quick flex of his hand told him it was still there. Somewhere, at some time, Naraku still existed.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, houshi-sama," Sango said, but she followed him nonetheless, almost clinging to Miroku despite herself. She had heard of great cities in her own time, like Osaka, but had never seen anything larger than a fair-sized town. Sango adapted quickly to new situations, but this was threatening to overwhelm her.

Miroku walked to the front door of the house in front of him, deducing logically that this had to be Kagome's home, and it stood to reason that she would there. The windows in the upper floor of the house were open, though to Miroku's surprise they were not shutters, but some sort of strange clear material. He knocked on the door gently. He heard movement inside, some shuffling around, a muttered curse that he instantly recognized, and then the door opened just a fraction. "What?" Inuyasha asked gruffly, sticking his head around just enough to be seen; the rest of his body was hidden behind the door. Miroku almost laughed; some sort of strange hat was crushed over Inuyasha's head, hiding his ears. What was even funnier, however, was the stupefied look on the hanyou's face: he actually turned pale and looked as if he was going to faint.

Miroku played it insufferably cool. "Hello, Inuyasha," he said smoothly. "Sango and I were in the area, and thought we would drop by."


	2. This Modern World

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Chapter two. If you've seen _Ah My Goddess_ that will help, but it's not required. There's also a few side references to _Tenchi Muyo_, _Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, _and_ Escaflowne.

_ Peorth is supposedly of French descent (though how a goddess could be French is beyond me), which is why she insults Urd in French. Her insults mean "You have the brains of a cheese sandwich" and "You're as smart as the bottom of your feet," whatever that means. Try them on your friends!_

_ I also drew some inspiration from an old fic on Fanfiction net, "Inuyasha vs. the Vaccuum Cleaner." If you can find it, read it: it's hilarious._

* * *

SCROLL TWO: THIS MODERN WORLD (OR, YOU'RE NOT READING AN OH MY GODDESS FANFIC BY MISTAKE)

Somewhere in the interdimensional rift known as Heaven, Peorth was enjoying her lunch break. Being a systems supervisor was hard work, even in Heaven, and Peorth needed her coffee to get through the rest of the day. She poured a cup of ambrosia and raised it to her smiling lips: in Heaven, the coffee was, well, heavenly.

It was also hot, as Peorth found out when a sudden alarm caused her to jump, sending the entire contents into her lap. She let out a scream that even the Almighty winced at, and was only prevented from following the scream with a flood of obscenity by the Goddesses' inhibitor programs. Instead she stomped out of the break room muttering imprecations in French, promising a horrible, painful death for whoever had set off the alarms. Luckily Goddesses First Class, Second Category Unlimited healed fast, but Peorth's exposed thighs were still an unhealthy shade of red when she reached the source of the alarms. The note on the door in angelic script read TEMPORAL TRAVEL MONITORING OFFICE. _If that's Washu or Arashikaze or Suzumiya again, I swear to God…_

"Watch it, Peorth," a Voice boomed.

"Sorry, sir," Peorth said hastily, then flung open the door. At the picture inside, she sighed and nodded sadly. "I knew it."

Sprawled in a chair and not dressed in a whole hell of a lot, was Urd. She was sound asleep, head cocked back in the chair, bare feet propped up on an elaborate instrument panel, and snoring loudly. "_URD!"_ Peorth shouted.

Urd levitated above the chair, her eyes flying open and her hands windmilling in an effort to keep from overbalancing. She failed, however, crashing to the floor and her feet hitting a switch on the instrument panel, causing a high school girl to fall into Gaea. Urd leapt to her feet and cursed Peorth soundly; being half-demon, Urd didn't have the inhibitors. At the end, Urd exploded, "What's the big idea?"

"'What's the big idea?'" Peorth yelled back. "You've been sent up here to work off some demerits from the _last_ idiot thing you pulled, and what do you do? Fall asleep!" She stepped forward and elaborately sniffed the air. "Well, well! Amazing! You're not drunk! _Vous avez le cervau d'un sandwich au fromage!"_

Urd didn't understand French, but she got the idea. "Oh, c'mon Peorth. This is soooo _boring._ Nothing ever happens in here."

"Which is why you were put here! We were hoping you couldn't possibly screw this up!"

"If you'd lend me your shojo manga, I could've stayed awake, Peorth."

"_Non!_" Since FedEx didn't deliver to Heaven (yet), Peorth had a tough time getting her manga fix, and what she did have was guarded like precious metals. Peorth saw something on the monitor, and shoved Urd out of the way. She threw her hands in the air helplessly when she saw what Urd had done. "Oh, this is just perfect! Look what you did, Urd!"

"What, the Hitomi kid? She was scheduled to go anyway, Peorth—what's a day or two?"

"Not her, eediot! Did you leave this switch open?"

Urd looked over her shoulder. "Uh, yeah…I guess so."

"Agh! _Tu es betes comme tes pieds!_ This is the switch that runs the Bone Eater's Well!"

"So?"

"So?! It's limited to Inuyasha and Kagome Higurashi _only_. And you fell asleep and left it on!" Peorth turned off the switch. "Urd, if you weren't another Goddess and we weren't in Heaven…"

"Don't let that stop you, Froggy!"

"That does it! _En garde!_" Peorth leapt atop Urd and began trying to smash the other Goddess' skull in. It took the Angel Sachiel and six other subordinate Goddesses to pry them apart, but in the confusion, just who had slipped through the well was forgotten.

* * *

Inuyasha held his head in his hands. "That's it," he said in resignation. "Kagome's going to kill me. She's going to sit me all the way to hell."

Sango patted him on the back. "Now, now, Inuyasha…it's not your fault that we're stuck here." She narrowed her eyes at Miroku. "It's his."

"It doesn't matter. I'm gonna get blamed for it. I know how Kagome's mind works." Inuyasha let out a long sigh.

It had now been twenty minutes since Sango and Miroku had showed up on the doorstep of the Higurashi home. After assorted screaming and running around in a blind panic, Inuyasha had seized both Miroku and Sango, informing them that if they could get through the well, they could damn well go right back. Sango, shaken by the world around them, and Miroku, who wasn't strong enough, didn't resist, and accepted Inuyasha's invitation to literally jump in a well. Groans of pain and the thump of an abrupt stop later, all three realized that the well was closed. Even Inuyasha couldn't get back through. Morosely, they had returned to Kagome's house to plan their next move. They suspected that it was some nefarious plan of Naraku's, but to the best of their knowledge, the archdemon knew nothing about the well. He hadn't been seen in some time in any case. Since there was nothing they could do about it for now, they decided to wait until Kagome got home.

Unfortunately, Inuyasha was alone in the house. Mama and Grandpa Higurashi (Inuyasha reminded himself for the hundredth time to find out what their names were) were out visiting relatives and weren't expected to be back before dusk. Souta and Kagome were at school. Since Inuyasha knew his way around and had been taught the basics of preparing ramen by Kagome, no one gave it a second thought about leaving the hanyou to fend for himself. No one had expected new visitors from the Sengoku Jidai, though.

"We'll just have to make the best of it," Miroku repeated for the third time in half an hour. "Actually, Inuyasha, I have been wanting to explore Kagome's world a little. We already saw one of her flying machines."

"No way." Inuyasha got up. "Nobody touch anything. I'm responsible for this house until Kagome gets back, or her brother or her mom or her grandpa. I don't want you breaking anything."

"Inuyasha, please." Miroku smiled winningly. "We're not clumsy, you know that."

"It's not that! It's just that you don't understand things with wheels and talking boxes and uh…stuff. Important stuff," Inuyasha insisted. He patted the couch. "Just sit down on this comfy thing here and get comfortable. I'll fix us some ramen."

"You can do that?" Miroku asked incredously.

"Of course. I know my way around this world," Inuyasha said with a great deal of self-importance. It was an act; Inuyasha didn't know much more than either Miroku or Sango, but he wasn't about to admit that. He went into the kitchen. "Hey, Miroku, wanna beer?"

"That depends. What's a beer?"

"Oh. Uh…" It dawned on Inuyasha that he didn't know what a beer was either, but it smelled of grains and such, and it was fermented, so he said, "It's fermented bread. It's not bad."

"Sure." Miroku would try anything once, and he felt the need for something alcoholic.

"Sango?"

"No, thank you." While Sango also felt the need for something alcoholic, she also wanted to keep a clear head. Someone had to. She didn't sit next to Miroku on the couch, but rather leaned against the wall next to the door. Sango was surprised at her fear, which was an icy ball in her stomach and seemed to leech into her limbs until all she wanted to do was curl up and cry. Normally she feared little if anything; even death did not particularly concern her, for it at least would free her from the burden of Kohaku and her family's shame at being duped by Naraku. There was just something so completely alien about Kagome's time that it terrified her.

The phone abruptly rang. Since Sango didn't know it was a phone, she screamed, pulled out her knife, and plunged it into the strange object. She jumped back as it sparked, but her hit was true: the phone died with an electronic gurgle.

Miroku had jumped off the sofa, hands going for the staff that wasn't there, while Inuyasha came tearing back into the living room, one hand on Tetsusaiga's hilt. His eyes widened when he saw what Sango had done. "Sango, what the hell!"

"It attacked me!" Sango insisted. "Even as it died, it attacked!" She wiggled her fingers, which were a little numb from the electrical shock.

"It's not a monster!" Inuyasha yelled at her. "It's…uh…" _Oh crap,_ he thought, _what did Kagome call that thing?_ "It's…a teleophon." Since Miroku and Sango were mystified at what he said (admittedly, Kagome would've had trouble puzzling out what he said as well), Inuyasha explained, "It's a, uhm, device used for talking long distances." As he had found out one night, when, on a whim, he had picked it up and randomly dialed numbers. He had gotten hold of someone who spoke a bizarre language in someplace that sounded like Cedar Rapids, Iowa. He had also been sat rather hard on the concrete when Kagome had heard about the phone bill from her mother. _Oh well, _ he thought, _I never did like that damn thing anyway._ Of course, that was just another reason why Kagome would murder him when she got home, but he was already giddy with resignation anyway.

Suddenly Sango couldn't take it anymore. She burst into tears and slid down the wall, tucking her face into her yukata. Miroku gave Inuyasha a 'now you've done it' look and went over to comfort her. Inuyasha did the same. "Awh, come on, Sango, don't cry." He hated to see any woman cry, especially ones he counted as among his closest friends. He frantically thought of something to cheer her up. "Hey…how about a bath?"

Sango nodded. She dried her eyes on her kimono sleeve, suddenly ashamed of her sudden breakdown. Kagome _lived_ in this world, and she was just a slip of a girl, barely sixteen. Surely a demon slayer was tougher than this. "A bath would be fine."

"Sure. Just, ah, follow me." Sango did as she was told, heading up the stairs; Miroku, for his part, followed, out of curiousity, and managed to control himself, despite a nice derriere just in front of him. Inuyasha opened the door into the bathroom. Across the hallway was Kagome's room, but he was forbidden to go in there without Kagome being present on pain of a horrible, screaming death that Kagome had explained in excruciating detail when she had caught him rifling through her underwear drawer. (Inuyasha was completely innocent of perversion; it had been his first visit to her house and he had been looking for the jewel shards, afraid that the silly girl might have lost them.) He didn't mention that, and showed Miroku and Sango around the spotless room, which all three found pleasantly cool to their bare feet. "This is the sink," he explained. "It's a pump." They nodded; that was simple enough. "You just turn these knobs here…" Water flowed out of the faucet. "And this is the toilet." In their time, villages did have outhouses of sorts, along with open ditches for latrines, so that concept was easy enough to understand too. Sango marveled at the white porcelain. "It's so clean," she said in amazement. "There are no flies…it almost looks like something you would drink out of rather than…well, you know."

"Well, you don't," Inuyasha snapped. He had made _that_ mistake on his first visit too. "Anyway, if you use it, just push down on this handle here and it goes down. See?" Inuyasha demonstrated, and the other two took a step back as the water roared away. They gasped in amazement when it refilled automatically. "Oh, and Miroku? Make sure you leave the seat down." Yet another lesson learned at painful cost.

"Ah, I see that," Miroku said in understanding.

"Now, as for the bath—well, it's weird." Inuyasha drew back a filmy curtain of some kind to reveal a marble basin. "This is it. It's not as good as a hot spring or nothin,' but it gets the job done. You just turn these handles here, just like the sink over there. Water sprays out of there, and up here—it's really like an indoor waterfall. Be careful, though, it's hot," Inuyasha warned, remembering the time when Souta had offered to scrub his back. The water had been so hot that he had ran out of the bathroom stark naked and covered in soap suds, followed by an equally naked Souta. Unfortunately, he had run squarely into Kagome's room, treating her to an eyeful of nude hanyou before she had hit him in the face with a garbage can. He turned red at that, in equal parts embarrassment and anger. Kagome was just evil tempered. It wasn't like he had never seen _her_ completely naked… "Well, anyway, towels are in here. I don't know where Kagome keeps her clean kimonos, though."

Sango took in the bath with anticipation. This was something she could get used to. She recognized the bottles as Kagome's shampoo and body washes that she had introduced to the other girl in the past. "I think I can manage, Inuyasha."

"Oh, okay. Well, we'll leave you to it." When Miroku seemed unwilling to leave, Inuyasha grabbed his ponytail and dragged him out, closing the door behind them. Miroku sighed elaborately. "I was only going to help her."

"Yeah, I'll bet, pervert."

"What's in that room?" Miroku looked at the little sign hung on the door, and was surprised that he had trouble reading it; he was a learned man and could read better than all of them, even Kagome. Then he remembered from seeing in Kagome's schoolbooks that in her world, kanji was written differently than in the Sengoku Jidai. With that in mind, he was able to quickly make it out. "Oh, this is Kagome's room." His hand went to the knob, only to be blocked by a blur of red. Inuyasha was instantly in the way. "No!" Inuyasha snarled.

"What's the problem? Don't be so overprotective; I'm merely curious as to how women in Kagome's time live," Miroku explained, guileless as a baby. "We monks are also scholars as well as exorcists."

"No," Inuyasha repeated firmly. He was in for it as it was; the last thing he needed was Miroku finding Kagome's underwear drawer. Or worse, her diary.

"Why?" Miroku demanded.

"Because…she'll kill me," Inuyasha admitted. "I mean it, Miroku. My ass is grass if she finds out I've been in there without permission."

Miroku was about to argue that surely that restriction didn't apply to him when there was a scream from the bathroom. The monk instantly whirled and had the door open to the bathroom before even Inuyasha could react. He was confronted with a cloud of billowing steam and a pink, sudsy, and very naked Sango. He gaped at the wondrous sight before him before she slugged him, sending him flying out of the bathroom and into the opposite wall. "Damn pervert!" she yelled.

Since Miroku was stunned for a moment, Inuyasha, carefully shielding his eyes, asked, "What's going on?"

"You tell me! You're the expert!" Sango pointed at the bath. "I turned the dial like you told me!" Seeing that Inuyasha was reluctant to come in, she grabbed her kimono and held it over her front. "Come in, Inuyasha…I don't mind _you_ being in here." For all his bluster, Inuyasha at least attempted to be discreet. After a moment or two, he found out what the problem was. Sango had opened the hot water knob wide open without adding any cold water, and had turned on the indoor waterfall thingy that Kagome called a shower. After some fiddling around, he got it worked out and explained the controls as best he could to Sango. Once that was done, he walked out of the bathroom, closed the door, and dragged a semiconcious Miroku downstairs.

* * *

Back in Heaven, Urd returned to her lonely watch at the Temporal Office. Peorth slamming her head into the floor was bad enough, but it was nothing compared to the tongue lashing she had gotten from the Almighty. Any more demerits for sleeping on the job or cursing in Heaven was going to get her license revoked. This time, the Lord had said, He wasn't going to just exile her to Earth, He was going to put her in Baghdad or Detroit or Anime Central or some other hellhole. As for Peorth, Urd hadn't seen her this mad since Urd and Skuld had manipulated the results of Super Bowl XLII. (Peorth was an unrepentant Patriots fan, despite evidence that Marller the demon had been doing some manipulating of her own during the season.) Urd resolved to be on her best behavior from now on.

She set down her Coke and Doritos and resumed her seat. She made a quick check of the main timelines and saw no activity worth mentioning. Noticing that the switch setting was still reading OFF on the Bone Eater's Well, Urd flipped it back on. Or tried to. The switch remained defiantly off. Urd fiddled with it, then summoning her titanic strength as a Goddess Second Class Limited License possessed, pulled the switch up. Urd's day continued to deteriorate as it snapped completely off the instrument panel.

"Uh oh," Urd understated. She found the switch and tried to put it back on, but nothing, not even her magic worked. _Oh, NO, _she thought despondently. She thought about covering it up, but that was something impossible in Heaven. With Detroit staring her in the face, she picked up the phone and dialed Peorth's number.

"What did you do now, Urd?" Peorth's voice sounded completely defeated.

"Hey," Urd growled, "it wasn't just me. You turned off the Bone Eater's Well, didn't you?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Because the switch got stuck, moron! It broke off when I tried to switch it back on."

There was silence on the other end of the line. "_C'est merd—_" Peorth's voice cracked for a moment. "Oh, curse these inhibitors! And curse that switch—it's been sticking for awhile."

"So what do we do now?" Urd wanted to know.

"I don't know…wait a moment!" Peorth sounded actually happy. "It's okay, Urd. I just remembered—the _deus ex machina_ function on Yggdrasil—" she referred to the megacomputer that ran Heaven's operating system "—automatically reboots the system in the result of a hardware failure. The well will work again. Whew! _C'est magnifique._"

"When?" Urd asked.

"Er…in about three days. Yggdrasil is backed up for the moment—we are still repairing the damage from that Third Impact thing over in Timeline 0080." Peorth paused. "_Non,_ that's not good enough. Kagome Higurashi is vital to that timeline. If she panics, it could cause time ripples we do not need."

"No sweat," Urd said, rather pleased with herself. "I'll let this Kagome chick know."

"Are you _insane?_" Peorth exclaimed. "No, wait, that is a rhetorical question. You can't, Urd! She can't know about our monitoring. It would violate the Free Will Protocol."

"I've got it covered," Urd assured her. "If you'll let me use the Super Colossal Dream Penetrator, I can get into her head. She'll think it was a dream, but she'll at least know the truth."

"Hmm," Peorth considered.

"Hey, it's either this or we have Washu do it with her Space-Time Machine."

"No, anything but that." The last time Washu had been allowed to use her Space-Time Machine, Belldandy had ended up fighting Evangelion pilots. "All right, Urd, I will clear it. But you don't do _anything_ but warn her, understood?"

"I got it. Don't worry, I don't want any more demerits." _Though,_ Urd chuckled quietly as Peorth signed off, _that doesn't mean I can't have some fun._


	3. Future Shock

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Chapter three. Sorry about the mixup on alerts for the last chapter—for some reason, Fanfiction net doesn't do alerts for stories rated "M". I re-rated this one "K +" which should do it. There's nothing in this story that racy. Well, not until next chapter and Dominatrix Kagome, anyway._

_ As usual, there's a little bit of history in here as well. It's how I feel if a person from feudal Japan would feel if they were suddenly stuck in our present. The morals and culture of the Sengoku Jidai and modern Japan are almost polar opposites; Kagome is either remarkably able to adapt to culture shock or isn't very bright. (And before the Kagome fans start in on me: do you know too many high school girls that would continually risk their lives in one of the most dangerous spots on earth when they really don't have to? Kagome's courageous, but she's also got a lack of common sense.)_

_ And I apologize if Kagome and Sango seem to, well, girly. I don't know what teenage girls do for fun these days. I'm a guy, and it's been awhile since I was a teenager. And I'm not like Mr. Kimura from _Azumanga Daioh.

_REVIEWER'S CORNER:_

_Scififan91: Very true, but "digging a hole to Sweden" doesn't sound as good._

_Rogue: Thanks. You should try _Ah My Goddess!_ The main goddess character in there (Belldandy) was basically a telemarketer at one point._

_Mizurazame: Yep, there's more: right here! (That was easy.)_

_KagomeLovesKouga: OK! _

* * *

SCROLL THREE: FUTURE SHOCK (OR, WHY TAIJIYAS AND AIRPLANES DON'T MIX)

"Good evening, Mama. Good evening, Grandpa," Kagome said. She and Souta had gotten out of school at the same time, and purely by coincidence (or was it, chuckled the author evilly) they had arrived home at the same time as their mother and grandfather pulled up in the car. The family exchanged greetings and hugs.

"I tried calling Inuyasha," Mama Higurashi informed Kagome as they walked up the long steps to the combined shrine and their home. "The phone went dead. I certainly hope they're all right."

_Uh oh,_ Kagome thought. Inuyasha was used to the phone ringing by now, and even the first time that he heard it, he had only smacked it off the reciever. He had never outright destroyed it, though there was a reason why telemarketers never bothered the Higurashi family anymore. A quick glance at the house revealed that it was still standing. She decided not to worry about it: if Inuyasha had committed telecide, then they would know soon enough.

Kagome went in first, stepping out of her shoes. She noticed a pair of sandals at the door that looked strangely familiar, and heard male voices. One was instantly recognizable as Inuyasha's, but the other's…

"Oh now, come on! His ass was _out!"_ shouted Inuyasha.

"Without a doubt," said the other voice. "That man with the mask behind the plate—what did you call him?"

"The ump."

"He must be blind."

Kagome ran into the living room, skidding on the wood floor in her socks. Two males turned to face her. "Hey, Kagome," Inuyasha greeted her from his position on the sofa. He took a pull from his beer.

"Good evening, Kagome-san," said Miroku respectfully. "Forgive the intrusion…Inuyasha was just showing me this fascinating game called baseball on this magic box you have."

Luckily Sango was approaching from the kitchen, because there was no way Souta could've caught his fainting sister.

* * *

"I _am_ sorry for the inconvienence, Kagome-chan," Sango said for about the tenth time.

"It's okay," Kagome replied, also about for the tenth time. She sat on her bed, Sango's foot in her lap, painting her friend's toenails. "I just wish we knew why the well was closed off. The only time I wasn't able to go through was when Inuyasha blocked it off and took my jewel shards." She sighed. "I really hope nothing's wrong. If it's Naraku…" She let her voice trail off; that didn't bear thinking about. If for some reason Naraku had closed the well to destroy Kaede's village, there was only the old miko, Shippo, and Kirara to defend it. No one was under any illusions how long they would last. Sango hoped that, if that was the case, Kirara would take Shippo and run. The problem was, Sango knew that her _neko youkai_ wouldn't do it. She was as fiercely loyal to her friends as Sango herself.

Once Kagome had revived, they had tried the well with no better results than Inuyasha had. It had actually been Grandpa who had offered a possible explanation: it was a _butsumetsu_ day, which according to the old Japanese calendar was a day of bad luck. Kagome didn't recognize the old superstition, but Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sango had immediately understood. It made sense to them. He promised to perform a ritual cleansing the next day just to be sure. In the meantime, Mama Higurashi had told them, they might as well have a good dinner and a sound sleep, and make the best of it. "You've been fighting so hard," Mama said, "don't you think you've earned a little vacation?"

Kagome admitted that, were it not for the nagging feeling that Naraku was up to no good, this _did_ kind of feel like a vacation. While they were all tense, even Inuyasha had seemed to loosen up a bit (which might have been affected by the three beers he had consumed; Kagome made a mental note to give the hanyou a strong lecture about drinking all of Grandpa's Yebisu Super Dry). Certainly he was enjoying having one up on Miroku and Sango, as he knew much more about the modern world than they did, of course. Miroku and Grandpa had hit it off immediately, which wasn't surprising, since they shared a somewhat similar background: Miroku was (obstensibly) a monk, while Grandpa was a Shinto priest. Mama Higurashi had her usual supernatural calm about these things, and simply made a larger dinner. Souta also took things in stride, and had been a perfect gentleman, exhibiting a remarkable interest in helping Sango; Kagome had a feeling her little brother was developing a crush on the demon hunter. As for Kagome herself, it had been too long since she had a slumber party, and she was enjoying seeing the world through her friends' eyes. Everything fascinated them: Sango had simply stood in front of the refrigerator for a full five minutes, stunned by the abundance of food and the ability to store it for long periods of time without it spoiling, while Miroku obviously enjoyed baseball and had played some soccer with Souta after dinner. Any time an airliner flew over, Miroku would stop and watch in utter fascination until it disappeared. He of course was used to flying, on the back of Hachi the tanuki or Kirara, but they were magical beings: the idea that mankind had harnessed the power of flight and used it on a regular basis absolutely flabbergasted him, though in a pleasant fashion.

In fact, the only person Kagome worried about was Sango. The taijiya seemed desperately afraid of the world around them. Up to this point, Kagome hadn't realized just how conservative her friend was in demeanor, and wondered how she could've been so naïve to miss it. Sango had been raised as essentially a peasant: her life was governed by the passing of the seasons and the necessity of raising rice to eat, as the demon hunter clan had to be farmers as well as fighters. Sango, though far more skilled and world-wise than the average peasant girl, still fully expected things to stay the same for her life, which would almost certainly be much shorter than Kagome's, even if Sango wasn't engaged in the very dangerous profession of hunting youkai. She would be expected to marry young, have children, and almost certainly be dead before she turned fifty; Kaede was an exception to Sengoku Jidai life expectancy. The land would not change either: it would always be the same, and would one day hold her lifeless body as it did her father's and his father's before him.

Sango had seen in Kagome's time that the land _could_ change: the area that she knew as rice paddies marked by slow moving rivers and streams had disappeared under Tokyo's streets and buildings. In her time, Tokyo was called Yedo and wasn't much more than a slightly larger than average fishing village. Feudal Japan's big cities were well to the south of Kaede's village, and almost certainly Sango would never see—nor did she want to—the Emperor or even a shogun, much less the Imperial capital of Kyoto. When Kagome had once said around the fire that modern Japan saw the Emperor as just a figurehead rather than a god, and that a train (the concept itself Kagome had to explain) could take someone from Tokyo to Kyoto in a matter of hours, she suspected that Sango had merely humored her friend from the future; she didn't actually believe Kagome was telling the truth.

Now Sango realized that, if anything, Kagome had left a lot out. She hadn't gone out to play soccer with Miroku, Inuyasha, and Souta: the mere sound of an airplane drove her back in. Anything that flew in the Sengoku Jidai was likely to be a demon enemy. During a news break during the baseball game, there had been an item about the Emperor, and while Miroku and Sango had both been stunned to actually see the Emperor, Sango had actually got off the couch and bowed, head to the floor, to the television. While Kagome's grandfather had said that Sango was only showing respect and in fact praised her for doing so, it brought home the fact that there was a very real gulf between herself and her friends. (Miroku had simply bowed his head until the game was back on; Inuyasha couldn't care less about emperors of any stripe. He didn't have much time for nobles: after all, Sesshoumaru was one.)

Kagome, with typical pragmatism, decided that, if nothing else, she would cheer her friend up. So she did what girls of all historical periods did when they got together with nothing else to do: painted each other's nails and messed with each other's hair. "How's that?" Kagome asked, pointing to her toenails.

"They're fine…I feel a little ridiculous, though." She inspected her now glittering nails. Polish was virtually unknown outside the rich in the Sengoku Jidai, and in any case would be a hindrance in combat. Another shocker had been that, in Kagome's world, women did not see shaving off their eyebrows and blackening their teeth to be marks of beauty. Sango never had any intention of doing so—she wasn't a noblewoman, after all—but it had still been a little disconcerting.

"And tomorrow we'll go shopping," Kagome proclaimed with forced cheerfulness, hoping that the crowded shopping districts of Shinjuku and Shibuya that she was thinking of wouldn't send Sango into fits of terror. She also despaired of what her planned trip was going to do to her savings. Mama Higurashi, for all her cheery demeanor, was unashamedly miserly when it came to money. Kagome's allowance was enough for the occasional meal at Wacdonald's—Kagome made a mental note to take Miroku and Sango there—and for school supplies, and that was all. Her trips to the Sengoku Jidai had allowed her allowance to pile up in her account, and Mama had agreed to lend her some money, but still, it was going to exhaust her savings very quickly. And that was just for her and Sango; she didn't know how she was going to pay for Miroku and Inuyasha as well. Well, maybe Grandpa could help there.

"Shopping." Sango could think of better things to do with her time.

"Sure. You can't walk around in your kimono and yukata. People will stare."

"I suppose."

Kagome gave up. Sango was simply not going to cheer up. _She's had quite the shock today,_ Kagome thought. _Maybe she just needs some rest._ The taijiya did look somewhat exhausted. "Well, why don't we turn in? It's getting late." Actually, it was still early, but for the residents of the Sengoku Jidai, the day began at dawn and ended at dusk—with the exception of Inuyasha, who tended to be nocturnal. Kagome got up and stretched. "Here, take my bed. I can get a sleeping bag."

"I couldn't," Sango insisted. "I can sleep on the floor, Kagome—it's not like I'm not used to sleeping on the ground!" She gave her friend a small smile.

"Nope." Kagome went to her closet, pulled out a pair of pajamas, and handed them to Sango. "Here, put these on—Mama will wash your kimono tomorrow." Sango did as instructed. "Now take the bed or I'll break your arm." They both grinned at that: Kagome wasn't known for her strength, but Sango was. The girl from the past bowed and got into bed. "My," she said with a smile. "This _is_ comfortable."

"Yep. Even ol' stick-in-the-mud Inuyasha likes it."

Sango yawned. "Where will you sleep?"

"Right here." Kagome unrolled the sleeping bag. "I'm going to do some studying first, though. The light won't bother you?" There was silence. She realized Sango had fallen fast asleep. Kagome looked down at her friend and sighed. "You poor thing," she said quietly. "You never get a break, do you? Well, Sango, I'm going to make your stay here enjoyable, if I have to declare bankruptcy." Kagome nodded once in punctuation, then sat at her desk and cracked open the books.

* * *

After a few minutes, there was a soft knock at the window. Kagome got up and opened it to find Inuyasha sitting in the tree outside. "Hey," she greeted him. He nodded back. "This is a fine situation we're in, isn't it?"

"No shit," Inuyasha replied with typical eloquence. "Any ideas how we're going to get out of it?"

"Not a one. I'll sleep on it and see if I can come up with something."

"Sounds good. I'll do the same." He stretched and settled himself in the tree. "Miroku's bedded down on that sofa thing you got downstairs." He smirked. "Sango should be safe in here, but I'm a little worried about your mother."

Kagome punched him in the shoulder. "That's gross," she laughed softly, knowing Inuyasha was joking, though alarm bells went off in her mind. For a woman nearly forty, Mama kept herself in good shape, and Miroku _was_ known for going after every female in sight…_no, he's not that much of a perv,_ she thought, but still had to shake off the horrifying mental image of Miroku asking Kagome's mother if she would bear him a child. "I'm taking Sango shopping tomorrow. I need to get her mind off Kirara and Kohaku for awhile, if I can. What are we going to do with Miroku?"

"I dunno. Where's the local red-light district?"

"Inuyasha, that's not funny," Kagome warned, because it wasn't. The thought of Miroku loose in Shinjuku's brothels was enough to give her the shivers.

"Just a joke," Inuyasha lied, because he had figured that's where Miroku's baser tastes were. "Hell, I don't know, Kagome! This is your world, not mine."

"Why don't you two come with us, then?" Inuyasha made a face at that suggestion; he didn't know what this "shopping" thing was, exactly, but with a man's intuition, he knew it would be a crashing bore. With a woman's intuition, Kagome knew what he was thinking. "Oh, there's plenty of things to do besides girl stuff! There's…" Kagome realized that she didn't exactly know what boys liked to do. There was sports, and then there was…what? She briefly considered calling Hojo to ask, but that could lead to all kinds of trouble, and once Inuyasha found out that Hojo fancied Kagome, the hanyou would probably demolish the hopelessly naïve boy.

"What?" Inuyasha was waiting for her to complete the sentence.

"All kinds of things," she finished lamely. "I'll have Souta go with us." Kagome was rather proud of that sudden flash of insight, because the presence of an eight year old boy should keep both men out of trouble. Souta would make a bee-line for the video game stores, but that was all right: Inuyasha had actually gotten fairly good at them and enjoyed them; she was sure that Miroku probably would as well.

She yawned, and Inuyasha said, "Why don't you go on to bed? It's gonna be a long day tomorrow."

"I think you're right. Where are you going to sleep?"

"Right here."

Kagome smiled at that. Even in the modern world, he was on guard, Tetsusaiga cradled between his knees. She had a powerful impulse to kiss him good night, just managed to suppress it, and instead just touched his hand and smiled. He turned red at that, which was enough, and then she said "Good night," left the window open to let in a cool breeze, and went to bed. She was asleep almost instantly.


	4. Of Jeans and Dreams

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yeah, I know…what's a year between updates? Still, I'm doing better than I did with _Misato's Revenge, _right? I wanted to write something silly, and there's not much humor going on in my Snowbird stories right now. So there._

_For those of you unfamiliar with this story, yes, it's a bit of a crossover with _Ah My Goddess!_ I had to explain how Miroku and Sango got to the modern era somehow, and how Kagome knows that it's not a bad thing instead of worrying herself silly over Naraku. Besides, Urd is so much fun to write._

_And this chapter skates the edge of K+, so be warned. It's not too bad, though._

_REVIEWER'S CORNER:_

_SSM: Thank you—you can have another!_

_Upside Down Boat: It's not finished at all!_

* * *

SCROLL FOUR: OF DREAMS AND JEANS (OR, LUST IS A MUST)

"About time," Urd said, and put on the visor. She was encased in a form-fitting VR suit, with only a single cable reaching from the visor to a computer; Heaven had gone wireless long ago. Peorth watched with concern some distance away, wishing Belldandy was here. The two goddesses were now mostly friendly rivals, and Peorth knew that Belldandy was one of the few who could control Urd. There was no telling what the older goddess would do. She wasn't made to feel any better by Urd's next statement: "Bug off, Peorth; I need to concentrate, and I can't do it with you standing there."

"You can't even see me."

"I can sense you, and it's distracting me."

Feeling like she had just given a berserk monkey a machine gun, Peorth left the chamber. Urd sighed and concentrated on the dive into Kagome Higurashi's sleeping mind. Such things were simple for those experienced in doing so, and soon Urd was in a hallway, the virtual representation of the girl's brain. It was dark: naturally, because its owner was asleep. Urd hummed happily as she walked down the hallway, making sure that her virtual self was fully clad; there had been that embarrassing incident where Urd had dived into Keiichi Morisato's dreams and had forgotten the clothing protocol. The resulting dream of a naked Urd probably hadn't done Keiichi's frustration for Belldandy much good. She had decided that her red skinsuit was probably best, as it was modest compared to her other outfits.

Now Urd had to find where Kagome was keeping herself—her real self. If the subject was dreaming, she would likely be occupying one of the rooms that the hallway branched into. If she was not dreaming, then there was usually a central core. Urd hoped the girl wasn't dreaming yet, because that could get tricky. The mind could invent entirely new rooms for new dreams, and since dreams often didn't proceed in any sort of logical progression, the person's real self could end up basically teleporting from room to room randomly, making Urd's job of locating Kagome nearly impossible. The worse case scenario was that the subject would be having a nightmare, because that could actually trap Urd inside of it, and if that happened, there was no escape until the person woke up—and since nightmares didn't have to make sense, getting through one without some sort of injury was difficult at best. While Urd couldn't be killed, she could certainly be mentally hurt and even get brain damage. (Peorth would argue that Urd was already brain damaged.)

Luckily, Urd more or less knew what she was doing. After a dead end or two—Urd thought that Kagome really needed to get her mind organized—she found the central core. Urd sighed: Kagome wasn't there, which meant she was dreaming. "That's okay," she said aloud, and brought up her fingers. A virtual keyboard appeared, and using a little goddess magic, she was able to access Kagome's memories. "Bring up the memories of the last five minutes before bed," she instructed, and a hologram appeared before her. Urd listened to Kagome and Inuyasha's discussion, giggled at the fun she could have with Miroku in a red-light district, and then saw the little hand gesture. "Aw, how sweet," Urd said. She fancied herself a goddess of love (although most of the other goddesses would vehemently disagree), and it was obvious that this girl was in love with the hanyou. The screen winked out moments later as Kagome fell asleep, but now Urd had a good idea where to start.

Human minds tended to have roughly the same layout: Urd knew how Keiichi's mind was laid out. From the central core, one turned left to find Keiichi's logical side, where he kept all his knowledge of motorcycles and computers. One turned right to find his emotional side. Urd also knew that women's brains were wired differently than males, so she turned left, to find Kagome's emotional area. Soon she came to a branch in the hallway, and once more leaned on her experience with Keiichi's brain. Turning right would lead Urd to where Keiichi kept the things he loved: there were motorcycles and the food he liked, but dominating the entire scene was a huge statue of an angelic Belldandy. However, if one turned left, that led to where Keiichi kept his lusts. There was a representation of Belldandy there as well, but it was a lot more animated, a lot less inhibited, and a lot less clothed. (Urd had been glad to find one of herself there as well; it was a relief to know that, after two thousand years, she still had it. She had been less happy to find Peorth represented in Keiichi's subconscious, but that wasn't surprising, given that Peorth also wasn't known for dressing well, or in much at all. Still, at least Keiichi had the decency to keep Peorth in a closet—it was a very _secret_ desire.)

Urd turned to the right and opened the door. She was confronted with a room covered in red velvet and mirrors, with a large four post bed, and Inuyasha, reduced to his fundoshi loincloth, in chains. Before him stood Kagome, dressed in the robes of a miko shrine maiden, except that Urd was quite sure that miko didn't wear spike-heeled shoes, their dresses were floor-length instead of barely there at all, and that they wore full kimono-style tops of white cloth, not low-cut tops of white leather. She was also sure that shrine maidens didn't carry whips. This Kagome cackled and demanded that Inuyasha sit for her, which he did, whimpering like a puppy and kissing her feet. Whatever perverted and/or demented thing Kagome had in mind next died on her lips as she noticed Urd standing at the doorway. "What—who the heck are you?" Kagome demanded.

"Uh, sorry," Urd said. "Wrong door! I'll, um, I'll wait outside." She fled and closed the door behind her. Outside, Urd castigated herself for forgetting about male-female crosswiring. _Wow,_ she giggled, _that girl's subconscious is a lot more interesting than I thought._

Suddenly Kagome appeared before her, dressed in her normal persona: sailor suit, floppy socks, low-heeled, sensible shoes. "Hey!" Urd exclaimed. "I could wait."

"No," Kagome blushed, "you kind of ruined that. It's…um…not something I want known, okay?" She looked down at her shoes. "So…who are you?"

Urd noticed something. In real, awake life, Urd was the tallest of her sisters, right at six feet tall. Kagome would be five inches shorter at least. However, in here, Kagome was three inches _taller_ than Urd. It was unconscious on Kagome's part, and represented her raw power. _This girl's going places,_ Urd thought, then got down to business, leading Kagome down the featureless hallway. "Here's the deal, kid. My name is Urd. I'm a goddess—an angel, if you like."

"Oh." Dreams didn't have to make sense and rarely did, so Kagome accepted this without reservation. "Um, I'm not dead, am I?"

"Good heavens, no. I just came to let you know that the well is okay. It'll reopen in…ah…seven days." Normally, goddesses couldn't lie, but Urd was half-demon, and so was able to tell fibs now and then. This had gotten her in a lot of trouble, but she figured that these kids needed a vacation, so no harm done. Besides, seven days sounded appropriately meaningful. "There was a, uh, glitch."

"A glitch?" Kagome raised an eyebrow, and Urd realized that she could see right through that lie. _This kid really is powerful. I'd better be careful._

"Okay, I broke it," Urd admitted, even though she felt that Peorth bore some responsibility too. "But we're getting it fixed." She knew she was violating the Secrecy Protocol, but there was a way around that, too. "Listen, Kagome. I'm not real, and this is a dream. This is no more real than some fanfiction or something. Just trust me on this: the well will open in seven days. Remember that, seven days."

"Seven days. I got it." Kagome remembered something else that consisted of seven days too, but that had just been a scary movie. Though it had also involved wells…

Urd checked an imaginary wristwatch. "Anyhow, I said what I came to say, so I'd better let you get back to…whatever you were doing in there."

"No, that was just embarrassing. I don't know where that came from at all."

"Ah, but I can help with that." Urd led Kagome down the right branch again, weaving a spell. It was a lot easier to do this in a dream world, where the mind accepted it, than in reality, where it wouldn't. It was complete by the time they reached a new door. Urd opened it with a flourish. Inside was a huge bathtub with steam rising from it, smelling of scented oils and eucalyptus. Urd gently pushed Kagome towards the tub. "Have fun, kid." The goddess winked and closed the door.

"That was weird," Kagome said, but decided that, since this was obviously a dream, she might as well enjoy it. She slipped into the bath (her clothes were suddenly just not there) and relaxed. "Oh, this is glorious."

"May I wash your back?" Inuyasha appeared from the steam, once more wearing only his fundoshi. He looked a lot more buff than normal. "Don't worry," he said with a hungry smile, "I'll be…gentle."

_Hot damn,_ Kagome thought.

* * *

Sango awoke and stretched languidly. She had never slept so well or felt so refreshed. It was already light out, and she thought seriously about going back to sleep. Just then, Kagome walked in, wearing a bathrobe, her hair up in a towel. "Good morning, Sango!" she said happily.

"Morning," Sango replied. "Did you sleep well?"

Kagome instantly went beet red. "Uh, yeah. I did. Very well. How about you?" she said quickly.

"Wonderfully. What time is it?"

"A little after eleven. The Hour of the Horse," Kagome explained. Feudal Japan was still a long time from adopting Western time observation.

"Kami. I've slept over twelve hours."

"I didn't see any reason to get you up. Miroku's still asleep, so you'd better get to the bathroom before the boys use up all the hot water. There's stuff in there for you, and a clean robe. Inuyasha said you know how to use the bath now."

Sango got out of bed and nodded. A bath sounded perfect. This time, she got it right and was seriously tempted to enjoy a long luxurious soak. Knowing that Miroku and probably Inuyasha would also want to bathe, however, she settled on ten minutes, got out, toweled off, put on the robe, and returned to Kagome's room, to find her friend fully dressed. She was a little surprised to find Kagome dressed in what she assumed were casual clothes, rather than the usual sailor suit, but Sango knew that was a uniform and probably not proper to wear just on regular days. "I can't get over how perfect that bath is. It's the one thing I like about this era."

"Not the bed?" Kagome raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, and the bed."

"Right. Let's get you dressed."

Sango swallowed at that one; there was no telling what that meant. Kagome motioned towards clothes she had set out on the bed. The shirt looked sensible enough, and it was made of a light material and was short-sleeved, so it made sense for hot weather. She was afraid that Kagome would make her wear a skirt: from what she had seen, the skirts in this time were far too short, which meant a free show for Miroku whenever she bent over, one that she knew the monk could not and would not resist. Instead, however, they were pants of some kind, similar to those on her taijiya catsuit, but of a bluish material and heavier. "Jeans," Kagome said, using the English word.

"Jeans," Sango dutifully repeated. She held up the shirt and realized it was painfully thin. "Uh, Kagome, if I wear this…how do I do that without, you know…revealing all?" Her breast wrap would be very obvious, and Sango was sure that women of this period didn't wear that sort of thing.

"No problem," Kagome assured her. She handed her one of the strange pieces of clothing that Kagome called a bra. Sango decided that, when in Rome, do as the Romans do (though she substituted Tokyo and samurai), took off the robe, and struggled into the contraption. Once it was finally on, it felt like she was being strangled. "Too…tight…"

Kagome put her hands on her hips. "Well, you've got it on right."

"Too small…"

_You have _got_ to be kidding me,_ Kagome thought. _Sango's got a bigger chest than me._ They had bathed together many times, but it wasn't as if she had been comparing sizes. She sighed. "Okay, wait here. I'll be back." While she waited, wondering what instrument of torture her friend would return with, Sango tried the jeans. They fit, but it was like putting on a second skin; after much grunting and a few curses, Sango got them on. They were more comfortable, very much like her catsuit. Kagome returned with another bra, and this one fit. "It's my mom's," Kagome sighed. Maybe that was why Inuyasha kept going after Kikyo: clay soil or not, the undead miko _was_ bigger than she was. The jeans also looked a lot tighter than they would be on her, but Sango also had slightly bigger hips. Kagome decided it didn't matter: Sango was dressed, and looked pretty good for all that.

This was confirmed moments later, when they went downstairs. Miroku, dressed in some of Kagome's father's old clothes, was trying not to openly salivate, and when Sango bent over to pick up something Mama Higurashi had dropped, Kagome thought Miroku's eyes were going to pop from their sockets. He stuffed his hands into his pockets to hide their twitching. Disgustedly, Kagome noticed Inuyasha looking as well. _They're such pigs,_ she grumped, but on the other hand, the pants did fit Sango like a second skin. The taijiya was only two years older than Kagome, but suddenly Kagome felt like she was about twelve.

Before the day could get any worse, Kagome clapped her hands. "Okay!" she said with forced cheer. "Now we're going shopping. But before we go, I have to lay out a few ground rules.

"First of all, Inuyasha…you should change into something else. You're going to stick out like a sore thumb." Inuyasha was still mulishly wearing his red cloak.

"Forget it," he shot back, "bad enough I gotta wear this damn ballcap."

Kagome decided to let it go for now. "Fine," she told him, in a tone of voice that told him this wasn't over. "Second…I know this is going to seem a little scary. But like my swimming coach once told me, when you learn how to swim, you gotta jump in the water. It'll be okay. In this time, we don't have a lot of crime, and if there's any demons out there, they keep to themselves. So no one's coming after you. Don't jump at shadows. In case anyone asks, you're from out in the sticks somewhere—from…oh, I don't know, Okinawa or Hokkaido or something." She expected both of them to do a lot of staring when they got to Shinjuku; Kagome still did, and she considered herself quite cosmopolitan, a streetwise city girl.

"Third: Souta is going with us. He's your chaperone, Miroku, Inuyasha. So stay out of trouble." She actually trusted Inuyasha on this one; the hanyou was actually pretty good at not picking fights in the modern world. If anything, he was just the opposite, and had once saved a little girl from a burning building. Souta stood apart from them and nodded sagely as if he was a lot older than he was.

"You don't trust me?" Miroku looked almost hurt.

"No," Kagome said flatly. "I don't want you going to the red-light district or something, Miroku," she told him, remembering what Inuyasha had mentioned.

"You have such a thing in your time?" Miroku looked vastly interested, though he scaled it back a bit at the sun-freezing glare he got from Sango.

"Fourth: let's have fun. I have it on good authority that the well will open in a week." At their questioning glances, Kagome decided to just play things smooth. Having a supposed goddess show up in a dream didn't seem like the best way to convince her friends she wasn't losing her mind. "Don't ask me how I know, I just do." They nodded. She was a miko, after all, and miko were supposed to know these things.

"Fifth: unfortunately, I don't have a lot of money. Mom's going to lend me a little, but there's not too much we can do about that. So don't go crazy, okay?" Kagome thought about adding that if they bought anything, they wouldn't be able to take it back to the Sengoku Jidai, but that would be stupid—she brought modern things back to old Japan all the time. (The possibility that Kagome bringing back modern appliances, along with her history and physics books, might change history and allow Japan to win World War II never occurred to her, mainly because Kagome was a poor history student. It kept Peorth awake at nights, though.)

"Money?" Miroku reached back to the sofa and fished through his robes. "Oh, here it is." He held up two _koban_, gold pieces. "Would this help?"

"I guess so." Kagome wasn't sure if the bank would take them, but they could try. "Right. We're going to be riding on the train…" Seeing their questioning glances, Kagome suppressed a sigh and explained, "Metal boxes that ride on wheels and rails. They're safe, okay? Just trust me on this."

* * *

Thirty minutes later, they were indeed doing that—trusting Kagome was right. Miroku, for his part, was completely fascinated. He watched the countryside go by on the train thing, and found he could pick out landmarks, but just barely. Edo, now Tokyo, sprawled across the land like a monster of metal and stone, and hills and forests that he and the rest of the Inu-tachi regularly hiked and occasionally fought over had disappeared beneath. That didn't bother Miroku: change was inevitable. He wondered if it had the opposite effect on Kagome, who was used to seeing this landscape every day, but had to deal with it all being gone when she went through the well.

He glanced at Sango, to see how she was holding up and if she was as fascinated as he was. Instead, Sango had a look of pure terror on her face. She had gone pale and stared straight at Kagome as if she was trying to see into the other girl's soul. Kagome hadn't apparently noticed, but then again, Sango was looking through her more than at her. Inuyasha, for his part, remained standing, holding onto a loop of leather hanging from the roof and staring belligerently at anyone who gave him a questioning look. Miroku could tell from the costumes the other riders of the train were wearing that he, Sango, and naturally Kagome were blending in just fine, but Inuyasha still wore his hakama, still was barefoot, and still had Tetsusaiga jammed into his belt, his one concession to "blending in" the Hiroshima Carps hat crammed over his ears.

Still, Sango couldn't be frightened about being found out she wasn't from around here, so he leaned close and whispered in her ear, "Sango? Are you all right?" Sango squeaked and jumped as if he had grabbed her butt, and pure instinct nearly caused her to slap Miroku through the window. Just barely, she stopped herself. Miroku repeated the question.

"No!" she hissed back.

"Why? What is it?"

"I'm…it's…" The train hit a junction and rattled loudly, swaying. Sango instantly stiffened and grabbed at the seatrest in front of her as if it was Kilala and the bakeneko had gone into a power dive.

"It's the train?"

Sango nodded, her knuckles bone-white. "We're going to die," she whispered, trembling.

"It's all right," Miroku assured her. "Look around. The other people on this train are not frightened."

That was true. Sango closed her eyes, willed her stomach to unwind and her buttocks from clenching at the cushion. _Stupid monk would love to see that,_ she groused, knowing the too-tight jeans probably were sending Miroku into fits anyway. Sango found that thinking about ripping Miroku's head off and throwing the length of this rolling torture chamber Kagome called a train made her feel better.

"Maybe if you stood up, you would feel better," Miroku advised. Not for the first time, Sango considered the equally terrifying fact that Miroku knew how to read minds. Nevertheless, it was good advice, so Sango got unsteadily to her feet and emulated Inuyasha's grip on the loops. She nearly stumbled and fell the first time the train went over another junction, but after awhile she was able to compensate for the movement. This seemed a little easier, and while she was far from enjoying herself, she at least didn't feel like she was going to puke.

Amazingly, Miroku only glanced at her once or twice, then went back to looking at the window as Tokyo grew bigger and bigger around them. Sango hated it. She wanted to see the green, lush valleys of where she belonged, not this hideous, dead expanse of city. Sango, demon hunter extraordinare, a woman who could regard a composite demon like Naraku without fear, had to bite her lip to keep from screaming when the train suddenly dipped below ground, plunging everything outside into stygian darkness broken by the occasional blur of light. Finally, blessedly, the train began to slow down to a stop. "Is this it?" Sango asked Kagome.

"Almost," Kagome replied. She squeezed Sango's hand. "The stop after this one. We're almost there." Kagome felt bad; a train ride was so commonplace for her that she hadn't even considered the effect it would have on her friends. She cursed herself inwardly for not remembering that Sango wasn't Eri or another of her school friends, no matter how "modern" she appeared now.

Abruptly, Kagome realized she had forgotten something else: Tokyo's train system at lunch hour. The doors clattered open, and people filed in. Dozens of people. Maybe even hundreds. In fact, so many people got onto the train that specially-hired transit police helped stuff them in, making sure that just enough room remained for the doors to close. With a jerk, the train began to move forward and pick up speed.

Sango was far from claustrophobic, but there were now more people in the train car than there were in her entire village, and the crowd had pushed her forward. She could barely see Inuyasha, and Kagome and Miroku had disappeared. Instead, she was cheek to jowl with a great press of humanity. The train left the underground station and was now making its way its way towards their destination; skycrapers now crowded the skyline, great soaring buildings of steel, but Sango didn't notice. She found herself breathing hard, and her vision swam dangerously.

Then she felt the hand on her bottom.

At first, it actually calmed her down a little—the touch of something, _anything_ that was familiar. Sango had never thought she'd ever welcome feeling Miroku's rough hands exploring her rear end, but she did now. She blushed. The hand stopped moving, resting comfortably on the rightside pocket. _I'll never tell him,_ Sango swore to herself in the name of the Eternal, _but thank you, Miroku, you perverted hoshi—_

The hand started moving again, tracing the stitches on the pants, then moved around to the front and came to rest on her stomach. _What the hell…he's not usually this bold!_ Sango's relief now turned to anger. _Why, that dirty…he knows I can't retaliate here! I can't just obliterate him right here, and he knows it. Oooh, Miroku, I am going to chop off your hands and feed them to Kilala!_ Sango twisted around to face him, intending to give Miroku a piece of her mind and an even bigger piece of her fist, if she could get a hand free, but there were so many people crowding close that all she achieved was a quarter-turn to the right. Her face became more and more red, but now it wasn't from blushing—it was from rage, because Miroku's hand had moved down, gotten underneath the light shirt she wore, and was making its way northward towards her breasts.

Then she saw Miroku. He was two rows back, and had just stood to give his seat to an elderly woman. Which meant that whoever was attempting to feel her up was not the monk.

"Do you like that?" a voice said in her ear. It was so soft she barely heard it over the rattle and hum of the train. "I bet you do. You're breathing hard. That means you like it." She felt lips on her hair. "What kind of sick girl are you, that you like being groped like this?" He let out a soft, Naraku-like laugh.

Sango turned her head—still not enough to see her attacker, but enough that he could now hear her. "I'll show you what kind of girl I am." She bent her head down, as if opening her neck to his lips, and when she could feel his breath there, suddenly snapped her head back. There was a satisfying crunch, an equally satisfying yell of pain, and now Sango had room to fight. She pirouetted in place, and finally saw him: an older man, with a frizz of close cropped hair, dressed in slightly rumpled clothes, bent over, holding a bleeding nose. He looked up just in time for Sango to bring both hands, clasped together, onto his head. He dropped to his knees, hands coming up to cover his face, and Sango easily rolled across his back to end up behind him and grabbed, one hand pulling an arm vertical and the other placed hard against his shoulder. It happened so fast that everyone was too stunned to react.

Sango bent down next to him. "Realize, fool, that I could kill you in forty different ways right now. I will let you live if you confess your foul crime."

"Please, miss!" the man pleaded. "I meant no harm—just a little fun after a hard day at the office—you know how it is—"

"No, I do not," Sango answered truthfully. "Now tell them what you were doing to me. All of them." She applied more pressure, forcing the shoulder joint nearly to the breaking point. "Tell them!" The entire car was staring at them now.

"All-all right!" the man finally gave in, gritting his teeth. "I was groping you! It was me!"

A girl of about sixteen stepped forward, dressed in the same outfit that Kagome usually wore. "Hey!" she yelled, leveling a pointed finger. "Somebody groped me too!"

"And me!" another woman shrilled.

"Well?" Sango asked. "Was it you, pervert?"

"No, no—just a moment of weakness, that's all—"

Sango had heard that excuse before. Now she twisted the man's wrist. Something groaned alarmingly in the man's arm, and he yelled in pain. "Aargh! Please stop! Yes! Yes, I did it all!" The man began sobbing. "I've been groping a lot lately—I'm not responsible, it's the recession!"

Sango didn't know what a recession was and didn't much care. With a sigh, she let go of the man's arm, then delivered a chop to the back of his neck, aiming for a pressure point to knock him unconscious, rather than snap his spine, though the latter was what she dearly wanted to do. Still, committing premeditated murder probably would inconvience Kagome, so Sango decided against it. The train erupted in cheers, and Sango, now embarrassed but rather pleased with herself, bowed.

The train began to slow as it pulled into the station, and Sango, looking out the windows at the blue sky peeking out between the great buildings, thought it might just be a pretty good day after all.


	5. Lost in Shinjuku

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: A quick update. I'm in a bit of a writer's slump this summer (lots of work), but this helps. _

_REVIEWER'S CORNER:_

_Jokeruto: You bet. Not dead yet._

SCROLL FIVE: LOST IN SHINJUKU (OR, WHEN THE CAT'S AWAY THE MONK WILL PLAY)

Miroku was colossally bored. He wasn't sure exactly why. Obviously there was a lot to do in this place called Shinjuku.

At first, Miroku and even Sango had been simply amazed at the city. Already they had been overwhelmed at what humanity could and would do in Kagome's time—even more impressive was Kagome's statement that all of Shinjuku had been built in the last fifty years—but the sight of entire walls of steel and glass was nearly too much. Sango had huddled close to Miroku, but so stunned was he at the sights around him that he completely missed the moment. Inuyasha, for his part, had never been to Shinjuku before, but acted as if he saw such things every day in Kagome's era. Still, even he stole glances at the buildings and was just as impressed as his friends. Souta, for his part, didn't mind staring at all. He rarely got into the city. Kagome consciously avoided looking around, playing things insufferably cool, secretly glad that for once she had the advantage. There were no winged demons lurking around every corner looking for Shikon jewel shards (at least, not that she knew of), and she could take the lead, rather than stay out of the way, as she often had to do in the Sengoku Jidai while her friends went to work with swords, boomerangs, and magical powers. This was_ her_ town, dammit, and she was going to enjoy the moment.

When they had reached the shopping district, Kagome had announced, "Sango and I are going shopping. Souta, why don't you show the boys around?" She said this not only to get the male gender out of her hair for a little while, but also because she knew that Inuyasha and Miroku would probably get bored while the girls tried on outfits and such. A bored Inuyasha was a violent Inuyasha, and a bored Miroku was a perverted disaster waiting to happen. Already Sango had to grab him by the ear and/or the ponytail as he had stopped cold or changed direction when a pretty girl walked by. It was summer in Japan, and Shinjuku's concrete made it hotter than the surrounding countryside. For this reason, many of the women had chosen to dress in as little as legally possible, which was all Miroku needed. Only direct force would keep him from asking his traditional question of strange women—"Would you bear my child"—and Kagome didn't want to see the monk sprayed with mace or arrested for sexual harrassment when the women refused. Or worse, they would accept. The red light district of Shinjuku—Kabukicho—was not far from the shopping district, and it had a very large sign announcing its location. Kagome resolved to keep Miroku as far from there as humanly possible. In her determination to keep Inuyasha occupied, Miroku out of a house of ill-repute, and for Sango to loosen up, Kagome completely forgot about Miroku's coins.

For Souta, "showing the boys around" meant video games. So he had quickly dragged Inuyasha and Miroku through the open-air mall to a three-story combination video game, model shop, and manga store. Unknown to Kagome, her little brother (like most pre-teen boys) hid a rather violent side, and Souta had a particular thirst for bloody fighting games, where he sated not only his basic bloodlust, but also his envy of Kagome, who got to travel through time and kill demons and collect magical shards and stuff. Inuyasha was happy to try out games like _Kill Everything VII_, _Crazy Ass Violence, Blow Up the World, _and _Death to Hello Kitty._ (Souta especially liked that one; Kagome might be able to overcome possession by demons, but she was helpless in the face of cute kitty things.) Souta and Inuyasha chortled like sadistic hyenas as they committed virtual genocide.

Miroku played a few games, but he wasn't quite as interested in bloodsoaked video death as Inuyasha was. For one thing, the games seemed a little bit too much like his usual life, and he was trying to avoid that while he was on Kagome's imposed vacation. He drifted first to the models, which looked very impressive, especially the female characters from this thing Souta called anime. Miroku had caught a little of that the night before, and once more had found it fascinating. The models were rather detailed, but also rather expensive, and even he knew that the words "some assembly required" meant skill he didn't have. Given that the placement of the models meant he couldn't touch them or look up their skirts to see if they wore the same kind of underwear Kagome did, he was soon bored with that as well, so he went up a level to check out the manga.

Manga he was a bit familiar with, and he quickly recognized that anime was merely moving manga. Manga, of course, was basically the same as the art from his time period, though a bit simplified, and instead of being on expensive illuminated scrolls (which Miroku knew about, having "acquired" a few through somewhat shady means on occasion), they were collected in thick books. If he understood the new monetary system of Japan, these books seemed pretty cheap, and he thumbed through a few, searching for something to catch his interest.

Then he saw it, and Miroku knew he had found the place he was looking for. Above a curtained door was a sign with one word: _HENTAI._

"Now this sounds interesting," Miroku told himself, and entered the room. And behold, it was. _Quite_ interesting, actually.

Miroku glanced through the volumes of manga and glossy magazines. He wasn't exactly sure what to make of some of it; he thought _he_ had seen it all through his travels in feudal Japan, but there was some new twists he had never thought of. Miroku admitted that he had fantasized about a bound and naked Sango on more than one occasion, but apparently in Kagome's time that was a rather common occurrence in the bedroom. So, apparently, was groping on the train, but Miroku found that distasteful, and only he knew just how close the groper on the way into Shinjuku had come to a very painful death—if not from Sango, from Miroku himself. He didn't often think about using his wind tunnel on a human being, but he had been tempted. It happened a lot in hentai manga, though here the girl evidently liked it. _That perverted man must have been reading too much of this,_ Miroku thought as he put away one volume and picked up another. In this one, women enjoyed being electrocuted. He put that back, thinking that Kagome lived in a very strange time.

Glancing down the shelf, Miroku found one that he considered buying, which involved the hero falling madly in love with a warrior woman who didn't know he existed. "That sounds familiar," he said softly to himself as he flipped through it. He blinked in amazement when he came to the scene where the warrior girl finally gave herself to her hero, because he didn't know women could bend like that, and Miroku knew a lot about women.

"Cool, huh?"

Miroku turned at the voice. A man about his age was standing behind him, dressed similar to Miroku, but with a backpack slung over one shoulder and a ballcap worn backwards. He also perusing a book, and had noticed what the monk was looking at. Miroku nodded, having figured out that "cool" in this time period meant great or interesting. "Very cool," Miroku replied. It was, and he had to fight off a mental image of Sango in the same position. Her in the jeans was enough to drive him crazy as it was.

The man peered closer. "Say, I know a girl who can do that."

"You're joking," Miroku chuckled.

"No, really! I saw her do that over in Kabukicho."

"Kabukicho?" Miroku wondered, then added, "Forgive me; I am not from around here."

"First time in Shinjuku?" The man smiled, put an arm around Miroku's shoulders, and dropped his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Are you looking for some fun, then?"

"Perhaps."

"Then as one guy to another, you _gotta_ go over to Kabukicho. They've got everything there, dude." He went on to describe exactly what he meant by everything, which made even Miroku's hardened ears turn red. "You can't tell the guys back home that you've been to Shinjuku unless you've been to Kabukicho," he finished.

"It certainly sounds interesting. Where is this Kabukicho?"

The man helpfully gave Miroku directions. "There's this big red sign over the entrance to the place. You can't miss it."

"I'm sure I won't. Thank you," Miroku told him, with a bow. The man grinned and bowed back. Miroku left the room. The man tried to follow only to be stopped by one of the store managers. "Just where do you think you're going with _that?"_ he asked, pointing to the hentai manga in the man's hand. "Pay for it."

"Sorry." The manga was paid for, and the young man resumed his journey, flipping through the pages. "Very educational."

* * *

Miroku found Souta and Inuyasha right where he expected to find them, still playing the video game. He sat down, took out some of the money Kagome had given him, and bought a beer, though it was still midafternoon. He needed to think, because Miroku needed a plan if he was going to go to this Kabukicho.

Though Sango wouldn't have believed such an explanation, Miroku's desire to see this so-called red light district was motivated by only one-third lust and two-thirds curiosity. Well, maybe half curiosity and half lust. Either way, Miroku genuinely wanted to see Kabukicho for the district's own charms, not because the women there were apparently contortionists. It wasn't the only reason, anyway. As long as he was with Kagome and Sango, he would never get to see more than the parts of Tokyo and Japan that Kagome wanted to see, and while that was all right, Miroku wanted to see _everything,_ because he doubted he would ever get another chance. Sango might be terrified of the modern world and have to be dragged kicking and screaming through it, but to Miroku, it was just one huge place of constant wonder. Sango and Kagome had convienently taken themselves out of the picture, so opportunity knocked.

That left only one problem. Actually, two—Souta and Inuyasha.

Obviously Souta couldn't come along. He was too young. Inuyasha, on the other hand, was too naïve and would crimp Miroku's style. The times that the two of them had come upon Kagome and Sango bathing in the local hot springs, Inuyasha was obviously torn by the desire to see what the girls were all about and a nagging feeling that peeping would be wrong. (Of course, that was usually reinforced by the inevitable discovery by the girls, which almost always ended in Inuyasha being sat into the earth or worse, nearly drowned in the hot spring.) As far as Miroku was concerned, the gods had created the female form to be seen and worshiped, and he was happy to do the will of the gods. Therefore, it would almost be a sin not to look. Sango didn't see it the same way, of course, but she wasn't a monk and didn't know these things.

Somehow, Miroku had to ditch both Souta and Inuyasha. He knew how to get rid of Inuyasha, who had to be evaded as soon as possible; Inuyasha could and would track down Miroku by scent alone, if nothing else, and the strange smells of Shinjuku apparently posed no barrier to the hanyou's nose, since he had found a ramen shop within seconds of stepping off the train. Souta was more of a problem. Miroku wasn't about to abandon a young boy in the middle of a teeming city; even in feudal Japan, a city was no place for a child left alone. Then it occurred to him: he could kill two birds with one stone.

Finishing his beer, Miroku walked over to the game store where Souta and Inuyasha were still happily murdering enemies wholesale on the video game systems. The store's propreitor had wanted to get rid of them, but Inuyasha had snarled at him and that had been that. "Inuyasha," Miroku began.

"Yeah, Miroku." Inuyasha never took his eyes off the screen.

"I'd like to go somewhere else."

"Where?"

Miroku hesitated. He should at least inform them of where he was going, just in case. "Kabukicho," he answered. He figured that Souta would be too young to understand, and Inuyasha would associate "Kabukicho" with _kabuki_ theater, which was certainly harmless. Everyone liked kabuki, even in Miroku's time.

"Take off. See ya later."

_That was easy,_ Miroku thought, and after a friendly pat on Souta's head (throwing off Souta's aim and leading to the gruesome death of Inuyasha's space marine), left the mall for Kabukicho.

* * *

Inuyasha cursed, and quickly restarted with a new character. "You know where Kabukicho is?" Souta said out the side of his mouth.

"Nope. Don't care. Miroku will find his way back here. He's good about that." Inuyasha really _didn't_ care, since he was going to kill that final boss if it took all day.

"Do you know _what_ Kabukicho is?" Souta asked.

"Kabuki theater."

Souta laughed. "It's where all the sex stuff happens." Souta made a face. Sex was something he knew only by name, and that was good enough for him. It involved girls, and girls were gross, weird, and impossible to figure out. From what he could see between his sister and Inuyasha, they stayed that way when you grew up, too.

"Huh." Inuyasha kept playing, then abruptly it hit him, in the following order:

Kabukicho was where the "sex stuff happens." That meant it was full of brothels.

That was okay. Miroku was a grown man, after all, and what he did was his business.

On the other hand, if Kagome found out that he, Inuyasha, had let Miroku go sow his wild oats in brothels in modern Tokyo, she would sit him into hell. And then sit him some more.

If Sango found out that Inuyasha had let Miroku go sow his wild oats, etcetera, there wouldn't be enough left of the hanyou to feed Kilala in her kitten form.

Therefore, if Inuyasha wanted to continue breathing and walking upright, he'd better collar Miroku in a hurry.

Inuyasha went pale. "Souta, I'd better go grab Miroku. Your sister's gonna kill me if I don't."

"No problem." Souta continued to mash buttons.

"You gonna be okay here?"

"Sure. I've got my cell phone, my train pass, and money. I'm in good shape."

"I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere!" Inuyasha put away the controller, spared the game shop's owner a stare that promised horrible death if Souta was interfered with, and dashed into the crowd.

* * *

Shinjuku was huge, and Kabukicho was near the train station, which Souta had told Inuyasha was the busiest in the world. Inuyasha played it smart and asked directions. The first person he asked was an old woman who slapped him and called him a degenerate. He decided to find someone a little more likely to answer his question, and found another guy, who wore ripped pants, a goatee, a hat wore askew, and a T-shirt that read L33T R0XX0R D00D. Though Inuyasha could barely understand him, the man's gestures were clear enough. Inuyasha, and especially Inuyasha's nose, did the rest. Miroku was just going under the helix entrance into Kabukicho when Inuyasha's claws snagged his collar.

Miroku twisted out of Inuyasha's grip, but relaxed when he saw who it was. "Hello, Inuyasha."

"Don't hello me!" Inuyasha growled. "Trying to go to the local whorehouse? What are you, nuts? Sango's gonna wear your balls on her boomerang when she finds out!"

"Ah, but she _won't_ find out, Inuyasha. Are you going to tell her?"

"If you don't come back with me, I will."

"Where's Souta?" Miroku asked to deflect Inuyasha's entirely true logic.

"He's okay, because we're going _right_ back to the video game place. You're not going in there."

"Inuyasha, you misunderstand me—" Miroku began.

"Like hell I do. You see women, you lose your mind. That's not hard."

"No, no…" Miroku spotted something in the distance and saw his chance. "I only want to get a bath. It's very hot, as you may have noticed, and being crammed in that train device with all those people have made me sweaty. The mall thing was also quite crowded." Miroku made an elaborate show of sniffing around Inuyasha. "You could use a bath yourself, Inuyasha."

Inuyasha surreptitiously lifted his sleeve and took a sniff. He did smell rather sweaty, from all the exertion of playing games. He was generally adverse to bathing to begin with, though he did so regularly when around first Kikyo and then Kagome, because nobody wanted to be around a smelly dog. It didn't make it any more fun. "That's not the point…"

"Inuyasha, it's just a bath. It won't take long, and it will fufill my curiosity about this place." Miroku sighed hugely. "I'll never get another chance to do this, you know."

Inuyasha vacillated for a moment, then, feeling sorry for Miroku and not wanting to be exiled from Kagome's prescence because he stunk up the house, gave in. "Oh, all right." Souta would probably be okay for a half hour or so. "But let's make it quick."

"I already know where to go." Miroku pointed at a sign, inscribed with a heart and puffy white things probably supposed to be steam. "Let's try that establishment. My treat."

They walked in the front door. Since it was still in the afternoon, the place was nearly deserted. Miroku spotted an older woman sitting behind a desk. "Ah." He walked over and bowed to her; she got to her feet and bowed back. "Welcome to Love Suds," she smiled. She had probably been quite beautiful decades before. "There are two of you?"

"Yes, madame," Miroku replied formally. "We would like a bath and a massage, please." He bent closer and whispered to the old woman, "My friend has had a very hard day." He inclined his head towards Inuyasha. "He's been entertaining children all day at the anime store, which accounts for his strange clothing."

"And the ears," the old woman commented.

"Those as well. In any case, he needs a _long_ bath."

She smiled wolfishly. "Of course, sir."

"As for myself, just a regular bath and massage. With pretty girls, of course."

"Oh, of course, sir. We have the prettiest girls in Kabukicho—perhaps in all of Shinjuku."

"How much?" She named an astronomical sum. Miroku reached into his pocket and pulled out one of the koban. "Will this be sufficient?" In the Sengoku Jidai, it would buy an inn and everyone in it for the better part of a week.

The old woman's eyes lit up with unbridled avarice. She recognized pure gold when she saw it, and if this young fool was willing to be parted from it, that was his affair. "How long would you like your friend's bath to be, and how many girls would you like to bathe you? One? Two? All of them?"


	6. Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: Another chapter of _Down the Well!_ I needed a quick comedy break. _

_I've overlapped a little bit with the last chapter, which should've ended sooner than it did. At this point, the story actually starts moving past the standard "strangers in a strange land" motif that most "Inu-tachi In the Modern World" stories get into. I wanted to do something different. Never fear; it'll still be hilarious…I hope._

_There is just the tiniest bit of seriousness here, though. At some point, someone has to tell Kagome that a person from 400 years ago would almost certainly feel VERY uncomfortable in the world we call home today—just as we would feel pretty out of place in the violent, often deadly Sengoku Jidai._

_REVIEWER'S CORNER:_

_No one R&R'ed? Come on, people! You're leaving me hanging here!_

* * *

SCROLL SIX: CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS, OR EVERY LITTLE THING SHE DOES IS MAGIC

They walked in the front door. Since it was still in the afternoon, the place was nearly deserted. Miroku spotted an older woman sitting behind a desk. "Ah." He walked over and bowed to her; she got to her feet and bowed back. "Welcome to Love Suds," she smiled. She had probably been quite beautiful decades before. "There are two of you?"

"Yes, madame," Miroku replied formally. "We would like a bath and a massage, please." He bent closer and whispered to the old woman, "My friend has had a very hard day." He inclined his head towards Inuyasha. "He's been entertaining children all day at the anime store, which accounts for his strange clothing."

"And the ears," the old woman commented.

"Those as well. In any case, he needs a _long_ bath."

She smiled wolfishly. "Of course, sir."

"As for myself, just a regular bath and massage. With pretty girls, of course."

"Oh, of course, sir. We have the prettiest girls in Kabukicho—perhaps in all of Shinjuku."

"How much?" She named an astronomical sum. Miroku reached into his pocket and pulled out one of the koban. "Will this be sufficient?" In the Sengoku Jidai, it would buy an inn and everyone in it for the better part of a week.

The old woman's eyes lit up with unbridled avarice. She recognized pure gold when she saw it, and if this young fool was willing to be parted from it, that was his affair. "How long would you like your friend's bath to be, and how many girls would you like to bathe you? One? Two? All of them?"

Miroku grinned. "I think one would be fine for each of us. Just make sure they're very pretty."

"Absolutely." The old woman's smile changed to the same smile Miroku had last seen on Kouga when the latter was confronted with a crackling roast deer. "Would you and your friend like 'the works'?"

Miroku didn't know what she meant by that, especially since the old woman had used a Japlish borrowed word, probably adopted for the benefit of American tourists, though again Miroku wouldn't have known that. It sounded good, so he nodded. "Then right this way, sirs."

Inuyasha spluttered a little when he and Miroku were separated—staying within line of sight of Miroku was the whole point he'd come into this weird-smelling place—but the girls were insistent, and Inuyasha was afraid they might start crying if he protested too much. (Plus, he had to admit, they were rather cute.) Miroku, for his part, needed no such prodding. The old woman was as good as her word: the girls were quite attractive, though, Miroku admitted to himself with some surprise, not as pretty as Sango.

The three of them—Miroku and two girls—entered the bath house. It was softly lit with blue light, the floor was made of cool tile, and the bath was heroic. There was a single long table, which was covered in warm towels. "Please take off your clothes," one of the girls invited Miroku. Both of the females wore kimonos.

"Certainly." Miroku's hands moved up to his shirt, then he stopped and put his plan into motion. He hoped Inuyasha wouldn't be _too _angry; after all, the hanyou was getting a free bath and massage, plus whatever this 'worksu' thing was, at the monk's expense. Kagome had translated the Sengoku Jidai's timekeeping to modern standards, so Miroku knew he had about five hours before they would meet back at the train station—Kagome having made that their rendezvous point in case any of them got lost. That was plenty of time to look around.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry," Miroku told the girls in a rush. "I left my money in my car." He had heard that terminology for the rolling metal wagons Kagome's mother drove. "I'll be right back." The girls agreed—after all, they certainly would like to be tipped—and waited as he dashed out of the room. He hated to, because while the two females weren't as pretty as Sango, they were still more than pretty enough to catch his eye and seriously tempt him into asking The Question.

Once out the door, Miroku took a quick glance around, didn't see the old woman, and ran out the front door. Free again, he whistled merrily as he sauntered down the streets of Kabukicho.

* * *

Kagome sighed, long and hard. The day was becoming a disaster, and it was her fault…mostly.

_She_ was having a good time. Then again, coming into the city with her friends usually was the best of times for Kagome. (She would count her forays with the Inu-tachi more fun if archdemons and other monsters weren't trying to kill her.) With Eri and the others, they would try on clothes, try new perfume, and eat at the food court, then maybe end a day of shopping with a movie.

The problem was, Sango wasn't like her other friends. Kagome gradually grew to realize that, while her school friends loved to try on new clothes—or even, secretly with a lot of self-conscious giggling, swimsuits—Sango had really no interest in the subject, said so, and worse, made sense.

When Kagome had her try on a long dress and puffy blouse, Sango had obeyed. When Kagome complimented her on how she looked—and she did look good—Sango had shrugged and said, "But it's useless in battle. The long dress would only trip me up."

Trying to find common ground, Kagome had then had her try on a skirt, shorter than even Kagome's school uniform. Coming out of the changing room, Sango had been red as a beet, tugging on the skirt continously, and sliding in the high socks she wore with the outfit. "You look great!" Kagome proclaimed, and it was true.

Sango looked in the mirror and hesitantly spun in place on one foot. "Oh, gods no," she said. "If the monk sees this, he'll permanently attach himself to my butt."

"Well, we don't _have_ to buy it," Kagome admitted. Sango did have a point there.

"Then why am I trying this on, if we have no desire to purchase it?" She had a point there too, dammit.

With the clothes-trying-on an utter failure, Kagome steered Sango over to the perfume section. Again, it was no use. While Sango admitted that the scents were nice and smelled wonderful, she had no desire to allow Kagome to buy her any perfurme. "The body washes that you use make sense, because I smell fresh," Sango said. "But this perfume stuff would only give away my presence to an enemy. Naraku would smell me coming for miles away. And it gives me a bit of a headache." With the sales clerk staring at them strangely, not to mention angrily for the implication that neither Kagome nor Sango actually intended to buy anything, Kagome mollified the clerk by buying some of the aforementioned shampoo and body wash and led her friend away.

With all other options exhausted, Kagome led Sango to the food court. Hopefully here, at least, Sango wouldn't come up with some reason not to stuff her face. That part, at least, Kagome was right about. Sango had no trouble piling her plate high with yakisoba, shrimp, octopus, and a washtub-sized bowl of miso soup. Once they were seated, the taijiya tore into the food as if Naraku was going to take it from her at any given second.

"Sango," Kagome said after watching her friend devour half her plate in minutes, "are you having fun?"

Sango stopped and put the miso bowl down. "I suppose so."

Kagome didn't need her miko powers to know when someone was just being polite. "Be honest, Sango."

Sango shrugged. "The food is good."

"But trying on clothes, the perfume…none of that." Kagome smiled sadly. "And I know better than to ask about the train ride."

"No. Though beating up the groper was kind of fun," Sango smiled.

"So just what _is_ your definition of fun?" Kagome asked, almost exasperated.

Sango leaned forward. "Kagome, there is something you have to realize. I don't belong here, in your time. Neither does Miroku, though that mad monk could probably get used to it. I don't know how Inuyasha can stand it. There's so many people here. The buildings…" Sango waved her chopsticks around "…are simply overwhelming. I might as well be on another world. In fact, I'm not entirely sure I believe you when you say this is merely the same Japan we live in, just four hundred years in the future.

"What you define as 'fun' is what we've been doing. You're having fun, that much I can tell, but it's not fun for me. Kagome, all my life, I've had very little…"

"But this is different!"

"Of course it is. But Kagome," Sango insisted, "I'm _satisfied_ with what I have back home. I don't want more than the little I own. I don't want fancy clothes. I don't want all this around us. If I wanted rich finery, I would've stayed and married the nobleman. I was born a taijiya, Kagome, and it's quite likely I'll die as one."

"It's not fair," Kagome said. Her eyes began to fill with tears. To be born into poverty, starvation always a bad farming season away, marrying young, having children young, dying young? Kagome didn't want that for her friend.

"It _is_ fair. Oh, it's not fair what Naraku did to my family and to Kohaku. I'm not saying that, and I will have revenge for it, in this life or the next. This is _your_ world, Kagome. It's not mine. It can never be mine." Sango let out a sigh. "I'm sorry. I know that's not what you wanted to hear."

"No…you're right. I messed up." Kagome picked at her meal, not hungry now. She had made a huge mistake: Kagome had substituted the Sango she wanted to be with for the real thing. The real Sango was, as she said, satisfied with her short, violent life, and didn't want to change. Maybe it was meant to be like that, and Kagome was wrong to try and change her. Inuyasha was one thing—he was willing to adapt to Kagome's time, albeit for a short while, which was another problem—but Sango was another, and Kagome would be very wrong to attempt to force change upon someone who didn't want it. "So what _would_ you like to do? We've got a few hours. I guess we could find the boys; see what they're up to."

Sango wolfed the rest of her food down, and insisted that Kagome eat up as well. Then they left the food court and headed back for the train station, Kagome despondent.

First they had to pick up Souta, and while finding him still merrily playing video games was no surprise, the fact that he was alone was one. "Where's Inuyasha and Miroku?" Kagome asked. Dread suddenly filled her stomach like Naraku's miasma.

Souta finished the game, gathered his things, and headed to the counter to buy the video game. (After all, the owner had let him play it for three hours.) "Oh, Miroku went off to Kabukicho and Inuyasha went after him."

Sango watched with growing alarm as all the color drained out of Kagome's face. "What's this Kabukicho?"

"The red-light district," Kagome breathed. Seeing Sango was confused, Souta helpfully added, "The sex place. Whatever that is." He paid the owner of the game store, and followed his sister and her friend out the door, wondering why both were wearing an identical expression of complete and total doom.

* * *

They arrived at the gate of Kabukicho quick enough, and Sango stared up at the entrance sign. Since it was still daytime, it didn't _look_ like a wretched hive of scum and villiany. In fact, she couldn't tell it looked any different from the other buildings around it. All of them had huge garish advertisements and signs that she could only guess at. "This is it?" she asked, wondering if Kagome had the right place.

"This is it," Kagome confirmed angrily. Her mood had shifted from dank despair to rage in the few blocks between the game store and Kabukicho. "Trust me, Sango. It's like some of the demons we've fought. They look harmless until you get close to them. I've heard horror stories about this place." Actually, most of the stories she'd heard had been from snippets of conversation among the boys in her school, talking about how they'd love to go down to Kabukicho and "have a good time," then go on to describe such a good time when they thought she and the other girls were out of earshot. And gossip being what it was, some of the girls Kagome knew had a few tangy tales of Kabukicho as well that _they_ had overheard. All agreed that it was strictly a place for dirty-minded guys to go to. It might look innocous to Sango, but to Kagome it yawned open before her like the gates to hell.

"Well, one thing's for sure," Sango said, squaring her shoulders, "we'll never find them just sitting here." She took a step forward, but Kagome grabbed her arm.

"Sango, we'll never find them in there! I heard Kabukicho has something like three _thousand_…um…places. Plus…" Kagome looked down at her shoes, twiddling her fingers in embarrassment "…I think I'm too young to go in there."

"I'm _definitely_ too young," Souta spoke up. He had no desire whatsoever to find out what was in Kabukicho. If Mom found out he had been within eyesight of the district, she'd likely tan his rear end. Kagome _might_ be able to get away with it, only because Mom gave her time-trotting daughter considerable leeway. (Too much leeway, in Souta's opinion.)

Sango snorted. "In my time you'd already be married off." She stared into Kabukicho, strangely satisfied. Now she had an enemy to fight.

"Sango, do you know what they _do_ in places like this?"

"Of course. You think it's the first time I've been in a place like this? There was this one time…a demon got loose in Edo's brothels, disguising itself as a courtesan and seducing young men. It drained their—"

"Don't!" Kagome yelled, holding her hands over Souta's ears.

"I was going to say money pouches," Sango smirked. "We were called in to exterminate it. Trust me, I'm a lot more familiar with the Willow World—" she used Sengoku Jidai parlance for the world of prostitutes and entertainers "—than the monk thinks I am." She rubbed her chin in thought. "Let's try there."

"'Love Suds'? What makes you think they'll be there?"

"Women's intuition." Sango shrugged. "That and the fact that it says 'Be Bathed By Beauties' too."

"Onee-chan, I'm going to the arcade." Souta pointed to one down the street.

"That's a good idea—"

"I need some money, though."

Unspoken, with the link only siblings can share, Kagome knew what was going on. Souta still had money; the game hadn't cost more than half his allowance, and Souta managed his money well for a ten-year old. That meant that Souta was merely practicing the ancient art of extortion: if Kagome handed over some cash, Souta would in turn keep quiet about his sister going into Kabukicho. In other words, he wanted hush money. Kagome, her face darkening with equal parts anger and embarrassment, gave him the money. Souta, satisfied, strode happily towards the arcade.

"All right, Sango; let's go." Kagome squared her shoulders, wished she had her bow, and entered Kabukicho.

* * *

"This isn't half bad," Inuyasha remarked. There was no one in the room, which was just as well.

Soon after he had been separated from Miroku, the two cute girls had asked him to strip. He had demanded just what the hell for, and one of the women had explained that they needed to soap him up. At that point, he had nearly fled the place, but Miroku's point was valid: he did smell. Besides, when he was little, he had seen his mother bathe like this. Though Inuyasha had never known his father, his mother Izayoi was minor nobility, and she maintained a good amount of servants. They would lather her up before she got into the bath. He had never had the chance to try that, since once his mother died, Inuyasha had been on his own. Any claim to being a noble was gone, and he preferred it that way. Still, it might be interesting to see how his half-brother Sesshoumaru maybe lived, when he wasn't out killing everything which torqued him off, which was just about everything except for Rin…

So, against his better judgement, Inuyasha had stayed and done what the women asked. They had carefully soaped him, and it took a great deal of willpower not to react to two beautiful females running their hands over his skin. Inuyasha found it was easiest to catalogue when, where, and how Kagome had sat him since the day he had been cursed with Kaede's infernal beads of subjugation. The women were also very polite and never strayed beyond propriety. (This also is supposed to be a funny story, not a lemon.) Once they were done, they poured a bucket of cold water on him, which certainly helped cool any ardor he might have had. Then they motioned to the bath, bowed, giggled a little, and left.

Inuyasha got into the bath, and instantly relaxed. It was perfect, better than the best hot spring. The water even smelled good. It was also the right temperature. He found that, compared to other people, he preferred water to be warm, but not hot. Kagome liked her hot springs one degree cooler than live steam, and once, after she was finished, he had eagerly leapt in. He had just as eagerly leapt out, with a howl. This bath was perfect, and he wasn't being boiled like a lobster.

He leaned back, eyes closed, just luxuriating in the wonderful bath. His ears caught someone coming into the room, which surprised him. It wasn't Miroku; the tread was too light. Inuyasha opened his eyes and looked up into those of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He amended that after a second: Kikyo had been prettier, but only because she had been his first love. Kagome…well, she _might_ be as pretty as this woman, but that was debatable. The woman was tall, lithe, long-legged, and had a gentle fall of raven hair that framed an exquisite face, with gentle eyes. Her full lips were parted in a slight smile. Even her kimono was silky perfection. "Good afternoon," she said with a bow. "My name is Kikusui."

"Uh…" Inuyasha had to find his voice. "Uh, pleased to meet you. Inuyasha. I'm Inuyasha."

"Inuyasha." Her voice said the syllables with a liquid caress. "Such an unusual name." She crossed around behind him. "May I massage your shoulders, Inuyasha-sama?"

_Inuyasha-_sama? the hanyou thought. _This is something new. Nobody's ever called me 'sama' before. I kinda like it. _"Um, sure." Below the water, he flexed his claws, just in case. Someone this beautiful might not be human, though she smelled human. Hell, she smelled like lavender and strawberries. Her fingers dug into his neck and shoulders, finding the right points, getting the blood flowing. "Oh, that's just great," Inuyasha groaned in satisfaction. "I'll give you exactly an hour to stop doing that…"

Kikusui laughed, like a tinkling waterfall. "Your friend said you had a long day and needed relaxation."

Alarm bells went off in a deep part of Inuyasha's mind, since 1) he hadn't had all _that_ long of a day and 2) Miroku never did anything without a reason, unless it meant grabbing some woman's rear end. Kikusui's fingers rapidly silenced those alarms, though, as she kneaded his neck, then worked her way up to his ears. Her placid expression faltered a little when she realized that the ears weren't fake, some part of a cosplay experiment gone wrong. Then again, this weird guy was a paying customer, and he was kind of cute, and the poor thing had a lot of scars for such a young man…

Inuyasha gave her an hour to stop the massage, but she stopped at ten minutes, which was just fine with him, because the hanyou had been reduced to a puddle, and wore a ridiculous smile on his face. "Did you enjoy that, master?"

_Master? Oh, hell yeah. Up yours, Sesshoumaru, you aren't the top dog around here!_ Inuyasha smirked. "Yes, ma'am."

"I am so very pleased." Kikusui got up again, walked around the pool to stand before him, and untied her obi. Her kimono whispered off of her, and because this isn't a lemon, the author will allow you to use your imagination. Let's just say that Kikyo suddenly took second place in Inuyasha's competition for Perfect Womanly Body, and Kagome trailed a distant third. Each step a poem, she descended into the bath, then submerged herself, coming up with a lovely gasp, her hair now plastered down her back.

Inuyasha squeaked. He squeaked again as she advanced on him. "W-Wait…wait a second…"

"There's no reason to be nervous. Or embarrassed," Kikusui assured him gently. She wondered if he had ever done this sort of thing before. If not, she was going to enjoy educating him.

"B-B-But…" Had Inuyasha not been so flustered at all of the delectable female flesh before him, he might have figured out Miroku's plan. All he could think of at this point, however, was two things: one, that he really, _really_ wanted to let Kikusui work her fell magic upon him (because surely someone this beautiful had to be magical in some way, and probably evil too) and two, that if Kagome found out, he was one dead hanyou. Somehow, his conscience managed to pound his hormones into submission and he spluttered, "I can't!"

Kikusui laughed softly. "Oh, I assure you that you can, Master Inuyasha."

"It's not that!" Inuyasha was backed against the side of the bath, with nowhere to run; Kikusui's lips were only centimeters away from his. "It's…it's…" Feeling her jasmine-scented breath on him, Inuyasha said the first thing that came to mind: "I'm _married!"_

Kikusui was about to say that she didn't much care about that: a good number of her clients were married salarymen. However, just as she was about to kiss this bizarre nutcase, she realized that they were no longer alone. She looked up. Framed between Inuyasha's twitching ears was a young woman—girl, really; she couldn't be more than seventeen, if that—whose expression went from shock, to horror, to incalcuable anger in one second flat. Fists clenched at the girl's sides so quickly that Kiksui knew she heard the knuckles crack.

"_Inuyasha…"_ Kagome drew the maximum amount of venom out of every letter "_…SIT!"_

He still had the beads on, of course. They quickly drew him straight down, headfirst into the bath. Kikusui had been kneeling before him, so on his way towards the bottom of the bath--or Kagome's hoped-for target, the center of the earth--Inuyasha first impacted between Kikusui's impressive breasts, then her navel, then other points south. Kagome was filled with such wrath at the sight that Sango, who had been following just behind, seriously feared for the life of not only Inuyasha, but also the courtesan, the old woman who was still screaming at them that they couldn't go back there, and in fact everyone within a three-block radius.

Kikusui might have been well advised to either keep her mouth shut or flee in terror at this point, but instead, she stood up and leveled an angry finger at Kagome. "Hey. What the hell are you doing here? Get lost! He's _my_ client!"

Kagome let out a strangled half-scream of rage and launched herself at Kikusui, tackling her into the other side of the bath from the nearly drowned Inuyasha. Kikusui knew how to defend herself quite well, but Kagome at this point was not a high-schooler girl with miko powers, but a five-foot-six instrument of terror. With reflexes honed in the unforgiving Sengoku Jidai, Kagome easily knocked aside Kikusui's clumsy block, fastened her hands around the other woman's neck, and began pounding her head into the tiles.

Sango skittered across the tiles to stop Kagome: already she could hear the old woman calling for the bouncer and the police, and the last thing she wanted to see in the time of the future was the punishment for being an accessory to first-degree murder. Somehow, she pried her friend off Kikusui—thinking to herself _Good thing Miroku isn't here; seeing two women fighting it out in a bath would probably give him a seizure—_and turned her around. "Kagome, stop! You can't kill her!"

"Why the hell not?" Kagome shouted back. "In for a penny, in for a pound! After I'm done with this tramp, I'm gonna kill Inuyasha too!"

Inuyasha had managed to get off the floor of the bath and gasped for air, at the same time saying, "Kagome, it's not what—"

"SHUT UP! _SIT!_" Inuyasha managed to throw himself out of the bath this time, though smashing into the tiles headfirst wasn't much of an improvement over nearly drowning.

"Kagome, stop; we've got to—" Sango suddenly shoved Kagome's head down and drove her fist into a man's face; he had rushed in wielding a truncheon, and Sango wasn't going to ask why. Stepping over the groaning bouncer, Sango used her not-unconsiderable strength to snag Inuyasha by the beads, the hanyou's clothes, and the maddened Kagome and drag them all out the nearest door, which luckily led to the alley behind Love Suds. She held off a horribly cursing Kagome long enough for Inuyasha to get dressed. In the meantime, Inuyasha stammered out a hurried explanation.

"I don't care!" Kagome howled back. "I'm still going to choke you to death with those beads!" She seized a double handful and began to twist.

Sango put Kagome in a half-nelson. "Kagome, stop!" she repeated for the tenth time in half as many minutes. "Think for a second! This makes sense!"

"How the hell does it make sense? She was naked and so was he!"

"Kagome, _think!_ Inuyasha is devoted to you! When has he ever broken his word to you with another woman?" By the purple rage on Kagome's face and the pale of Inuyasha's Sango realized she had said the wrong thing. She acted fast. "Kikyo's different! You don't honestly think he's going off to do…that…with her!"

"Great gods, Sango!" Inuyasha shrilled. "Quit digging me a deeper grave!"

Sango shook Kagome. "He's not like Miroku! Whatever his other faults, Inuyasha is not going to run around on you _or_ Kikyo!"

"Yeah!" Inuyasha insisted. "Listen to her, Kagome! I'm still a virgin, for heaven's sake!" That stopped both women cold. The hanyou turned deep red. "Well, it's true," he admitted quietly.

"Fine," Kagome snapped, her color returning to something resembling normal. She gave Inuyasha an I'll-deal-with-you-later look. "I suppose the next question is, where's Miroku?"

"And why the hell did he rope me into that?" Inuyasha wanted to know.

"Oh, I know very well why he did that to you," Sango said. Now her voice was the one that was brittle with anger. "He needed time and a distraction. I'm only surprised he wasn't the one with that woman." She stared at the sky. "But where did he go?"

* * *

Miroku was wondering exactly why he had ditched Inuyasha himself. Kabukicho was proving kind of boring.

Though Sango would not have believed it for half a second, Miroku was not interested in prostitutes. He much preferred the willing type, not something he had to pay for. Usually, his charm and good looks ensured that he had never needed those kind of services. With that aside, he found there wasn't much to do in Kabukicho; clearly, the district was the most active after dark, and that was still some hours off. Moreover, Kagome intended for all of them to be on the way back to her home by dusk. While Miroku was quite sure he could take care of himself, even in the modern world, the Higurashi family were being remarkably generous hosts, and he would not take advantage of their hospitality. He had some standards—something else Sango would have found hard to believe.

"Well, I hope Inuyasha enjoyed his bath," Miroku mused aloud. Hopefully the hanyou wouldn't be too mad at him. A good massage, being bathed by young maidens…yes, the hanyou probably needed something like that. _Poor fellow,_ Miroku thought. _Caught between two lovely women, both of whom have such power over him. He must be so very lonely and frustrated. I'm glad I only have Sango to deal with._

Perhaps it was the thought of Inuyasha, specifically the love triangle of Inuyasha-Kagome-Kikyo, that caused Miroku to spot the briefest flash of red in the crowds. He had drifted to one of the other entrances to the district, and whoever he spotted was outside of it, heading away from him. Curious, he walked out of Kabukicho and tried to get closer. It was tough against the press of the crowd—he was now outside one of Shinjuku's busier shopping areas—but finally he got enough of a look to tell that whoever it was, it was female, and it was wearing the traditional robes of a miko shrine maiden.

Miroku had seen enough of modern Japan to know that the old ways were not dead, but they certainly were not commonplace either. Other than the girls at Love Suds wearing kimonos, he had seen no other traditional clothing here. Seeing traditional miko robes was rare enough even in the Sengoku Jidai: miko rarely left the shrines they were charged to protect. Miroku got another glimpse: this woman had long, black hair. That in itself was, of course, not unusual; nearly all women in Miroku's time had black hair, and he could see that it was still the most common hair color in Japan. What was unusual was the way the woman walked. Miroku, in his travels, especially with the Inu-tachi, knew how warriors carried themselves. Kagome's walk was noticeably different from Sango's, despite their near match in height. Kagome walked with quick, almost unsure steps. Sango strode with the confidence born of a lifetime of training, a stride that said without words that the taijiya feared little. This miko, whoever it was, had that same step.

So had, for that matter, Kikyo.

_It couldn't be her. Not after all this time,_ Miroku told himself, then checked that. Kikyo was, after all, technically immortal: made of grave soil and clay, the undead miko did not need to eat, drink, sleep, or even breathe. It was entirely possible that she could be still alive 400 years after he had last seen her. That portended much for his own future and those of the rest of the Inu-tachi, not to mention Naraku's. The glove over his hand was still there and he could still feel the wind tunnel, so Naraku was still alive somewhere. Which could mean anything.

Either way, he had to find out. If it wasn't Kikyo, he could get some nagging questions answered about the future of religion in modern Japan; he hadn't asked and Kagome hadn't told. If it was Kikyo…then there were a _lot_ of unanswered questions.

He followed the miko through the crowd. It was dense enough that he couldn't close the distance, but her costume was such that it was easy to follow her. He figured out soon enough why it was hard to follow her: he was near Shinjuku Station. To Miroku's surprise, she went inside and, as he continued after her, she went through a device and swiped a card-shaped object. The device clicked open and let her through. Miroku reached into a pocket, found the train card that Kagome had given each of them, just in case they got separated, and aped the miko's motion. The device let him through just the same. He saw her board a train and just managed to squeeze aboard before the doors closed. The train hissed and then it was moving, on its way to somewhere. Miroku didn't know and could now barely see the miko through the crowded train, but he was going to follow her to the end of the line, if necessary.


End file.
